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Hi Betty,

I recently read your book Sex for One, borrowed from a friend who was making a documentary about female masturbation. In any case, I am a 21 year-old student who just started exploring my body very recently (on my own that is) and I have come across many interesting things.

For one, it seems that I am an ejaculator. At first, like every other woman, I figured I had peed on myself. But I smelled and checked and made sure it wasn't pee. So the only logical conclusion was ejaculation (and a rather large amount of it too).

I know you are not a fan of it. Well, after reading the letters/writing you have on it, I felt like it was a bad/unattractive thing. You tell us to love our bodies and their reactions, but then point out a couple of times that you don't think women ejaculating is cool, and even tease them for it. What if they feel bad about it too?

I feel it's a sensitive issue if it makes women feel self-conscious about them selves. I wish so bad that I didn't ejaculate! It's a pain to have to make sure you have a towel under yourself, or worry that a lover is going to be turned off by it, so it is scary that even a sexpert is put off by it.

Please tell me that I am normal and that there is a way to stop it (or at least reduce it)! I'm going to try the PC exercises. But now I am scared of intimacy because of how a lover would react to it. Do you know if they generally hate it or like it?

Wish me luck, and thanks.
Elena

Hi, Betty!

Love your website! Very educational!

I am responding to your letter to April S. Can Female Ejaculation Be Taught?

I am one of those women (now 48) who has always flowed a lot during orgasm -- mainly after partner sex that goes on for four or five hours, where I am reaching my fourth or fifth orgasm. I need to use towels on the bed, or else I will leave big puddles of love juices. The white liquid flows vaginally, not through the urinary tract. In fact, with enough stimulation from my partner, I can feel those super hot fluids gushing right out of my pussy over my lovers hand as I climax. Being stimulated inside by his long index finger is typically my favorite way to climax. (But not always, it just depends on what I'm in the mood for.)

During orgasm, I don't need to try and "bear down" to ejaculate, although I probably DO do that involuntarily. I just seem to have really strong, responsive vaginal muscles. When I'm not turned on, my vagina is really tight (in fact, too tight). When I am turned on, it gets pretty large. Those vag muscles just seem to have a mind of their own! I have no direct voluntary control over whether they are opening up to FINALLY allow penetration -- or clamping down, off and on, during a hard climax. (My partner has even complained at times that they were clamping down too hard on his poor little finger, poor dear.)

Although female ejaculation or excessive wetness is kind of fun (and apparently unusual), I don't think it really matters at all whether a woman can do this or not. I certainly would never bother trying to "learn" it. That's what lubricants are for. However, it does seem to be a function of how hard and how often the woman is able to climax. At least, that is true for me....

In my mind, the most important things are patience, playfulness, and letting go of expectations. I love to take my time, and I enjoy super long lovemaking sessions, because my orgasms keep getting stronger and stronger each time. After four or five hours, I am finally just totally exhausted, even begging him to stop fucking me or stop touching me. My body and my nervous system finally just get so overloaded from all the activity that I just can't take any more pleasure.

Anyway, I hope this sheds a little more light on the phenomenon of female ejaculation. For those who may still be uncertain, it is entirely separate from urine release.

Jeanne B.

Dear Joanna,

I stand by statement that when a woman experiences fluid expulsion, the liquid exits via the pee hole (or urethral opening) and it's chemical make-up seems to remain a mystery so the jury is still out on what female ejaculation consists of.

As for your description of your own sexual preferences and capabilities, you are a sexual Amazon. Congratulations! There have been a few delightful periods in my life where I've had the good fortune of enjoying a man who was able to fuck for five hours or had the desire to finger me that long, but it has been the exception and not the rule. Even now with a very young virile lover, after the first rush of lust, which lasted nearly a year, once we started spending time together on a daily basis, we now seem to be quite satisfied with an hour's worth of mutually orgasmic sex several times a week. Now that I'm in my early seventies, I consider myself to be quite fortunate.

The term "female ejaculation" conjures up all kinds of assumptions. The fact that we are having this conversation indicates there is still controversy surrounding the phenomenon of female fluid emission, a better term because "ejaculation" implies sexual arousal and orgasm. Many of my friends who enjoy shooting have said they can do it without having an orgasm. Several admit they are borrowing from their bladder after the first spurt.

My main objection to the whole idea of "female ejaculation" is that it sets up an ideal of fabulous sex that only a few sexual athletes can achieve. Even you stated, "It does seem to be a function of how hard and how often the woman is able to climax." The bulk of American women are still struggling to achieve orgasm with a partner or by herself, so expelling buckets of wetness and coming often and hard is daunting.

We agree on partnersex being based on patience, playfulness, and letting go of expectations. Spending quality sex time is also important but look at how most women are living today with careers, children, and overworked husbands. In the end, we can always agree to disagree and that won't in any way interfere with our personal sex lives.

You believe all this white fluid pours out of your vagina when you come hard. According to my fluid emitting friends, it exits through the urethral opening. Ultimately we are each entitled to our own opinions. The important thing is to enjoy our bodies, our sexuality, and our orgasm no matter what form they take.

Happy orgasms. Betty

Hi, Betty! Nice to hear from you again!

You wrote, I stand by statement that when a woman experiences fluid expulsion, the liquid exits via the pee hole (or urethral opening) and it's chemical make-up seems to remain a mystery so the jury is still out on what female ejaculation consists of.

Well, I must admit the term ejaculation is still quite confusing to me. And perhaps I am using the term incorrectly. But the material I've read on this subject would seem to bear out the ejaculation through the vagina theory. If I recall correctly, I was reading something about the ovaries having a correlation to the testicles, and being responsible for vaginal fluids being released during orgasm. I have never seen any articles about female ejaculation through the urethral opening.

You wrote, As for your description of your own sexual preferences and capabilities, you are a sexual Amazon. Congratulations!

Thank you for the compliment, Betty, but I have never considered myself a sexual Amazon! Nor was I trying to brag, but I was simply trying to be explicit. Apparently I didn't do that very well. When I refer to lovemaking sessions that go on for four or five hours, I'm talking about a whole lot of petting and talking that gradually builds up into more and more sexual acts. I'm counting all the rest periods, too. It's the whole combination of talking, foreplay, fucking, resting, which sort of occurs off and on in cycles. One of the most important things a man can do is just talk to me and give me his full attention. And the kiss of death is feeling like he's got his eye on his watch.

You wrote, Even now with a very young virile lover, after the first rush of lust, which lasted nearly a year, once we started spending time together on a daily basis, we now seem to be quite satisfied with an hour's worth of mutually orgasmic sex several times a week. Now that I'm in my early seventies, I consider myself to be quite fortunate.

Wow, I think you are doing incredibly well! I hope that I'm half that active when I am in my seventies! Even during the times in my life when I've been married or living with someone, having sex once a week was usually my limit. Right now I am lucky if I get to have sex once every month or two so I have to make the most of it! It's pretty tough being single again after my divorce last year. Up until just recently, I went through a long dry spell with no sex for 9 months. And sometimes, when I've been single in the past, it's been as long as 2 years between sexual encounters! You can see why I'm investigating vibrators!

You wrote, My main objection to the whole idea of "female ejaculation" is that it sets up an ideal of fabulous sex that only a few sexual athletes can achieve. Even you stated, "It does seem to be a function of how hard and how often the woman is able to climax.

I agree wholeheartedly with your criticism of the terminology, Betty. Using the term "female ejaculation" is bound to just make things worse by making women feel even more inadequate. And we certainly should try to be helpful and compassionate. But on the other hand, I believe my statement about flooding the bed after frequent and forceful orgasms is true. And for those women who are horribly embarrassed about flooding the bed, or those men who might just think their partners are peeing the bed, it seems like this information could be helpful.

You wrote, You believe all this white fluid pours out of your vagina when you come hard. According to my fluid emitting friends, it exits through the urethral opening.

This is rather interesting. How would we really know? None of us are motivated to stop having an orgasm just so that we can pin down the location of these fluids. And I suppose there's a chance that some women do emit fluids through the urethral opening and others do it vaginally. This topic is making me feel rather ignorant. Maybe I need to go watch some detailed v

Take care, Joanna

Dear Joanna,

Things cleared up a lot when you told me you were lucky if you got to have partnersex once every month or two, and that's why you make the most of it with five-hour sessions. Instead of assuming the word "sex" means with another person it would help clarify matters if we differentiated between partnersex and sex with ourselves. A lot of divorced women discover themselves when they lay off partnersex. I'm sure when you went through that long dry spell you were enjoying masturbation.

As to your statement that there is lubrication inside the vagina, you are correct. But as for "ejaculating women," the reason I know it comes from the urethra is because I got down between my girlfriends legs under a good light and observed it with my own eyes. Even the big money making book, The G-Spot, states that the fluid exits from the urethra. Nowadays "Ejaculating" women are big in porn, and a few "Ejaculating" women can also be seen in educational videos.

Yes, there are a few women who emit fluid at the moment of orgasm. This has been written about throughout history. However as in most erotic literature or personal testimony, sex gets described in exaggerated and glowing terms. It's called "poetic license." Add to that the fact that during the last decade, goddess forbid any person, especially another female doubted a woman's testimony. If you did, you were considered to be anti-feminist. The pendulum always swings too far in both directions.

For example: When finally getting around to dealing with the sexual abuse of women, we went overboard. An abuse industry grew up around women's accusations of being raped. They were encouraged by therapists who were later discovered to be creating false memories in their clients. This is similar to the G-spot industry. As well as a slue of new books, there are now G-spot toys as more folks jump on board for a slice of the pie. This is how sexual myths are spread and money is made by the latest in sexual fashions. Meanwhile more and more women are being confused about "female ejaculation" just as you may have been.

So far it has not been determined what this fluid consists of and for me that's the fly in the ejaculate. Dr. Gary Schubach, who graduated from the same school as I did in San Francisco, set up an experiment that attempted to determine whether the fluid came from the urethral gland (the spongy tissue surrounding the urinary tract approximately two inches in length) or the bladder which can extend to hold a sizable amount of liquid. He tested only seven subjects who were all "female ejaculators."

They were catheterized to isolate the bladder from the urethra and to drain the fluid from their bladders while they were stimulated to orgasm. The fluid drained from the subjects bladders during sexual arousal and orgasm was significantly different from urine samples collected prior to arousal. It had a reduced concentration of urea and creatine. He concluded that the expelled fluid was an altered from of urine and that there was a process going on during sexual excitement that changed the chemical composition of urine.

So what's wrong with golden showers during a woman's orgasm? Nothing if that's your thing. However, I teach the opposite of what "ejaculating women" are doing. They must bear down at the moment of orgasm, and I teach women to lift up or squeeze the PC muscle. Women who constantly push out appear to be loosing the lining of their vaginas with the uterus about to follow. Those bulging vaginal vestibules indicate weak, not strong pelvic floor muscles.

How do I know all this? I have spent over thirty years sitting next to one woman at a time during genital show and tell under a bright light while we both look into the same mirror at her sex organ. I've seen thousands of women's genitals personally and up real close.

Women who work at improving the pelvic floor muscle for better orgasms or after giving birth are taught to lift up or squeeze the muscle tight similar to stopping the flow of urine. Now if you reverse that process and forcefully push out, urine will gush or spray out of that cute little pee hole. Voila, "female ejaculation" or golden showers.

So what's in a name? Everything when we turn it into the latest sexual fashion that caters to insecure men who love it when a woman "ejaculates," because he's now convinced he's made her come. Oh dear, oh dear. The lengths women go through to stroke the male ego.

All my best, Betty

Dear Betty,

Interested to read the couple letters about female ejaculation and your responses on the site. Although I had always indulged in masturbation probably since age 5 although guiltily maybe from teens and through adulthood. Then I hit 40 (am now 41) and decided to give myself consent to explore my sexuality more fully through masturbation (after various negative experiences with men I chose to remain single and celibate from 30s and created a body that kept interest at bay!).

During the course of that exploration this year I discovered that on repeated penetration using a vibrator or dildo I did 'squirt' or 'trickle' and got very powerful orgasms when I did. However after a couple of weeks I stopped because I did believe it was urine I was passing. However, the experiences were intense and I decided to do some reading into female orgasm and came upon 'female ejaculation' which I had never heard of (I subsequently learned that a friend was also able to achieve this).

All the articles I read stated that this fluid was not in fact urine but had a chemical make-up similar to male pre-cum. I went back to my experimenting and found that the fluid is certainly not urine, it is clear and although most articles say it does not have a smell, I find it does have a slight odor and a salty taste. Over the 4 months I have experienced this I have found that more recently I can achieve this from the first penetration, whereas before it might be the third during the course of an hour - but when I achieve it from the first orgasm it's usually less intense - however on the third or fourth again the intensity increases.

I do not know whether all women are capable of this - the statistics I have read declare that between 20-40% can experience it. I think only once with a partner did I 'pass fluid' other than the usual during intercourse and had assumed at that time it was urine also. I don't know whether I will be able to achieve this with a partner - that is for the future. But I do certainly think it is something other than urine and women should not be put off (as many will be) by others declaring it is.

I do accept there is a considerable amount of research still to be done to establish both why some women do/do not achieve this and, exactly what the fluid is and where it comes from. However I did have a sense of 'tone' in your response to DK that lead me to believe that because you yourself had never experienced it you weren't happy to 'own' it in the way that you 'own' the joys of masturbation!

I have to say though, that my explorations generally in self pleasuring have been greatly enhanced by some of the literature available (I have just ordered your book) including Carol Queen's 'Exhibitionism for the Shy' and other books that encourage its readers to be exhibitionist and exploratory with themselves and to give themselves consent to enjoy making their own pleasure. This is really the stuff that should be taught in schools to help all young people take hold of and demand a satisfactory and full sexual experience throughout their lives.

CJM

Dear CJM,

My one complaint about female ejaculation is that it is rapidly becoming the holy grail of orgasm. As a woman who has never had the experience, I just want all the other 80 or 90 percent of women who have also never sprayed or spewed or ejaculated or peed to know we are not necessarily missing anything. An orgasm is an orgasm is an orgasm.

The most recent assessment from the original authors of the G-Spot book are that large amounts of fluid being expelled is dilute urine and comes from the bladder. Smaller spurts in the quantity of a teaspoon or two probably come from the paraurethral glands that are prostatic in nature, but if a woman keeps bearing down she is likely to borrow some urine from her bladder.

My question to women ejaculators is why on earth are they so dedicated to denying it might be urine? If it feels great and pleasure is involved, get out a baby's pad and pee away. Urine is antiseptic and can be used for many healing purposes except in America where all bodily fluids are considered disgusting. Like Gandhi, I have had long periods of drinking an ounce of my urine every morning. It builds the immune system and replenishes the body with vitamins and minerals. It can be used on skin rashes and insect bites. The big pharmaceutical companies would kill to be able to duplicate urine but it only works when it's our very own. Homeopathic power.

One friend of mine said she feels cleansed after a big spew like having a good cry. Like her, many women have learned to do this by bearing down at the moment of orgasm. I teach the opposite use of the PC muscle -- lifting or squeezing and then relaxing the muscle and repeating this. This is how women are taught to do Kegel exercises to strengthen the muscles after giving birth. In the end, I say enjoy yourself and come wet or dry to your heart's content.

Betty

Hi Betty

I just found your website and even though I have had a good time reading, there is still a lot I have not seen. So please excuse me if I write to you about something you have already written about. I am Danish and my English fails me when I get to the sex-vocabulary, I really do not know the correct names for the private body parts and related matters, sorry.

When I have my period it is as if my sexual sensitivity is renewed. The first orgasm after is much stronger. I look forward to this every month and I am a bit worried of what will happen after menopause. Have you heard of other women with this experience? Any who have it through menopause?

Why is it that there is so little proper information about female ejaculation that is based on solid facts? I squirt, and a lot more than is normally estimated when people write about it. It can be as much as a liter. Only rarely that much and then it gives me the worst headaches if I do not very quickly drink a lot of water. But since it can be this much liquid, I know that it is not related to urine at all, it is clear/white and tastes good *LOL*. It is different from the liquid that I produce when aroused, not as "greasy" more "dry" (Here I really lack good words). I have the impression that you have not written much about this because you do not wish to make women who do not squirt fell inadequate.

I think that we should all accept and enjoy the great variation in these matters. I just turned 40 and in my life my orgasms have been very different, especially before and after childbirth. If I had thought that orgasms should be a certain way, I would have deprived myself from great experiences. I also believe that to many women this squirting thing can be learned.

I had a lover who enjoyed this so much that he would not fuck me, he only wanted to lie beneath me and make me squirt. In the end I got bored, and I got bad headaches and my stomach hurt and I was clearly more of a science project than a woman to him. But I also got a clear feeling of what happens and how I do it. And he tells me that he can now make any woman squirt. This may not be true, but I believe him because of the way he sounds when he tells me this - amazed/ amused/ proud.

I do not think I am the only one, so how come I cannot find proper information? Can you show me the way to some? I think that with this quantity of liquid you should be able to know for sure where it comes from. By the way, I have never been with a man that did not enjoy this. And I have gotten used to having men laughing beneath me or beside me when I come. It's a very low-toned surprised/proud(?) giggle. It really gets me off.

Best regards,

Helga

Dear Helga,

Your English is excellent. Your orgasms after your period might be stronger due to the change in your hormones, relief that you're not pregnant or just the fact that you laid off of sex for a few days while you were bleeding. As for menopause, many women enjoy sex even more while others are content to give up all forms of sexual activity after menopause. I've been postmenopausal for two decades and I'm having spectacular orgasms alone and with a partner. Now as for women expelling fluid during orgasm, there has been an ongoing dialogue, debate and an abundance of antidotal information. But when it comes to science, we are still adrift. We can manage to go to the moon and back, but we can't seem to analyze the fluid that comes out of a woman's urethra when she's finger fucked. Some woman scientist will have to take this on and end the "Is it or is it not urine" debate once and for all.

If you go to Google or any other search engine, g-spot and female ejaculation will bring up loads of information. I have a chapter in my latest book, Orgasms for Two that gives my current take on this aspect of female sexuality that has caused more confusion than clarification. It's titled G-spot or My Spot. Here in America g-spot orgasms have become a new version of vaginal orgasms which is our cultural bias. Very few women can achieve either one so why are we making them the holy grail of orgasm?

It's a rare man who does not enjoy "making a woman come" when she spurts. That's solid proof of his success. This is another aspect of fluid emission I dislike. Just like the guy who wanted to finger you endlessly while you "came" all over him. This turns sex into the kind of performance that satisfies the worst aspects of men's insecurity when it comes to women's orgasms. But if a couple mutually enjoys doing this, they just need to buy baby pads to protect the mattress and spurt to their hearts' content.

Betty

Betty,

I have read your book "Orgasms for Two", and also have read your views in your web site regarding female ejaculation.

Since my divorce, seven years ago, I have had many sexual relationships, six of which lasted several months each. Of the six, all, but one woman, were very sexual, two of the women were "squirters", and the remainder of the women actually became multi-orgasmic during our relationship and started ejaculating.

First I would like to talk about the "squirters", your contention that the fluid is excreted from the bladder, and is actually urine, I can not agree with. I have tasted this fluid, practically bathed in it, and it is not urine. The fluid is clear, and does not have the taste or odor of urine, and I believe is secreted from within the uterus tract.

The other women that I dated, after becoming multi-orgasmic, actually ejaculated a white substance that is very similar to my semen. It is a thick white liquid, excreted during intense orgasms. When I showed them their semen, all of them were initially concerned, until I could assure them, it was a natural product of their intense orgasms.

My sexual techniques are similar to what you described your 25 year old lover performed on you, but I can assure you no one is better than I am. My technique with my tongue roaming the vagina, clit and anus, then gradually focusing on the clit while my fingers pentrate the vagina, and anus simultaneously, until feeling her tensing, then my finger, or fingers, concentrate on her "G-spot", which does exist, probing her anus with my other hand, and lovingly licking her clit until climax. I have been told by everyone I have had sex with, probably 30 women, that no one is better than I am.

I have always had an intense sexual desire, an incredible imagination, and learned amazing staying power. I absolutely love and crave sex, and actually love licking and tasting pussy more than intercourse, and I love intercourse. During intercourse I always gently message her clit, as I slide in and out of her vagina, or anus.

When I have known the women long enough to learn their fantasies, I always use them in conjunction with oral sex or intercourse. Fantasies, I have found, are equal to, or better than the physical things I can provide, and trust me, I am very good at providing the physical things.

I learned of you while watching the TV program "The O'Reilly Factor", and I found you interesting and very sexy.

I am 53 years old, in excellent shape, very athletic, well educated, own a couple of businesses and split my time equally each month, between Westchester, NY and FL.. My FL condo is on the beach, and I love hot weather, the ocean, and golf. I have two beautiful daughters, and a gorgeous girl friend (unfortunately still married), with an incredible body.

I hope to hear from you.

Dear Kelly,

Are you coming on to me with all this talk about what a great lover you are? If so, send me a photo that includes Mr. Happy. If your dick is as big as your ego, I'd want to show you off to all my girlfriends.

If you do a more careful reading, you'll see that I acknowledge there is a g-spot or a small periuthrethral gland and that some women squirt. However, if it's more than a couple of teaspoons it's dilute urine coming from the bladder. It has been clinically shown that the fluid exits the urethra and that sexual arousal alters the chemical nature of urine. You can check this out by searching the internet. To call it ejaculate is incorrect so I prefer pussy juice. Meanwhile, we can agree there is much more to be learned about female sexuality.

While I know guys love wet gushing dripping squirting pussies as proof they are great lovers, this has caused a lot of women who don't have this response to feel like inadequate clit nerds. Just remember, if you're good looking and rich, women are going to tell you all kinds of shit. If it turns out that you've been bathing in dilute golden showers, so what? It's obvious you're having a great sex life, so you have my 100% support.

Betty

Hi Betty,

I'm still discovering more about female sexuality and it's really amazing that more and more women are discovering what ejaculation is all about. It's great that they can talk about it as well. It's like women have come full circle and good on them. I see some women can ejaculate a lot and some not so much. So us men aren't the only ones who can brag about to how far we can shoot.

I read recently about a group of women gathering in the bush somewhere in the states (well out of public view) and had a timed competition to see who could ejaculate the quickest. Times varied from 18 seconds and the furthest measured was 27inches (amazing).

In those movies where the women are getting wet from men ejaculating on them, now the women can turn that around, except men would get a lot wetter. That would be fun I am sure and I will become a volunteer. Your web site is very informative Betty and I will bookmark it,

Cheers, Fred I.

Dear Fred,

I'm the voice for women who do not ejaculate and have no desire to learn. We have fabulous orgasms that don't leave wet spots on the bed or men's faces. If you want more complete info, read the chapter "G-spot or My Spot" in my latest book Orgasms for Two.

First off, we need another word for "female ejaculation" because the word "ejaculation" assumes there is sexual arousal and orgasm present -- which is not the case for many women who have learned to bear down with their PC muscle. In one study, the "fluid" was shown to be dilute urine that came from the bladder. Seems that sexual arousal alters the chemical nature of urine. In those women who spurt at the moment of orgasm, there are seldom more than a couple of teaspoons and in two of my girlfriends, it came out in a fine spray.

However, I see nothing wrong with having a golden showers contest. That way more women could attend. The woman who shot the 27 inches won a pissing contest. Keep on learning about more about female sexuality.

Betty

Hi Betty,

First off, I wanted to tell you that I just recently acquired your Selfloving video. I was amazed, intrigued, encouraged, aroused and frightened all at the same time! I have a question that I hope you have some experience with. A little background first so that you can maybe understand my problem better.

I am 34 years old and a lesbian. My first sexual experiences were with my father and my uncle starting at around 6 years old. Mostly my memories and impressions of sex are that it is painful, humiliating and dirty. By the time I was 12 I was already well on my way to becoming a drug addict and an alcoholic. During the years between 12 and 32 I had a lot of sex with both men and women, but I was always heavily intoxicated one way or another. I believed that sex was done for a reason, usually to get something like free drugs or just to be cool. I didn't like it and I know for sure that I never had an orgasm. Also, I definitely didn't masturbate.

Basically, I was not able to have sex or even feel sexual unless I was intoxicated. I have been in a relationship with a wonderful woman for 9 years now, and for the first 7, this was still the case. Now, I am a grateful recovering drug addict and alcoholic. The first year of recovery I spent healing and regaining my health and strength. After that, I realized that I had to learn how to actually live life again, drug free, and that a part of that is sex. Before I read your book and saw your video, I can honestly say that I did not even know the parts of my own vagina. I am terribly self-conscious about my body and being naked, so your video amazed me in that aspect. I had never even seen a gynecologist.

Anyway, I have started masturbating with a vibrator. I have found that I can have very powerful orgasms when I am alone, but when I reach a climax, a liquid squirts out. A lot of liquid. I don't think it is urine, because I checked. This makes me uncomfortable having an orgasm with my partner. I find that I am so worried about it and inhibited, that I tense up and hold back. I know that in my past sexual experiences I never met any woman who had this, and I haven't seen it in porn or sex videos. So I am wondering have you ever had any experience with any other woman who does this, or am I doing something wrong, or am I some kind of freak of nature?

S.W.

Dear SW,

Congratulations on reclaiming your life and your sexuality. I just finished answering a similar letter from a woman who was convinced she was urinating when she had orgasm. Squeezing and releasing the PC muscle is not only an important part of enhancing orgasm but it also assures us we will have control over our bladders.

As we grow older, Urinary Incontinence is the involuntary release of urine when sneezing, coughing or coming. This is the result of a weak pelvic floor muscle ("PC muscle"). Strengthening this muscle is simple. Squeeze and release it rhythmically throughout all of your masturbation sessions. It's helpful if you use a dildo or my Betty Dodson's Barbell (shown in the video) as a resistance device. BB is a stainless steel vaginal barbell for exercising the pelvic floor muscles. You can move it slowly in and out or angle it up to the top of the vaginal roof to press into the urethral sponge (or G-spot). The pelvic floor muscle needs to be tightened by pulling up on it.

Make sure you are NOT bearing down during sexual arousal like you are about to give birth. To locate this muscle simply stop the flow of urine a few times while you're peeing. Read my letter:Special Exercises for the Vagina Are Important on this website.

The other possibility is that you are ejaculating. Although I am not a fan of female ejaculation, some women love to claim it. There are books and videos out now on Female Ejaculation that can be found Online. If you discover you are really an ejaculator and still want to stop, the same exercise of lifting the pelvic floor muscle will work. If you are a copious ejaculator and want to continue don't let anything stand in your way of enjoying it. Get a supply of baby's mattress pads and cut loose. I'm sure your girlfriend will go along with anything that makes you happy and feels good.

Betty

spurtingorg.htm

Dear Betty,

I am 42, involved in a wonderfully loving and sexually fulfilling relationship except that I am unable to reach orgasm. My mate orally, digitally and with penetration brings me to the point where I could leap tall buildings in a single bound...but a mental block kicks in (I think) and I freeze. My heart races, I scream and get to where I think I'll pass out...but I have no ejaculation.

When I can almost get my mind to totally let go, I have urine leakage. Great for the self-esteem! Yes, I am doing exercises for the incontinence, but in the meantime I know I am now "afraid" to let go. Please, please, any advice would be most welcome. My lover is patient and giving, open to help in any way. By the way, this has been a lifelong problem.

Help! Tara

Dear Tara,

Only a small percentage of women "ejaculate" at the point of orgasm. Releasing fluid is not what determines whether or not you've had a climax. There is still way too much confusion around the issue of female ejaculation. More than a couple of teaspoons of liquid has been tested and shown to be dilute urine. Women that expel large volumes of dilute urine claim to enjoy the sensation greatly.

Do some experimentation. Next time you get highly excited, instead of holding back to avoid "urine leakage" cut loose and let it rip. Just put down a baby's absorbent mattress pad to soak it all up. Many men enjoy seeing a woman shoot fluid whether it's a small amount from the paraurethral gland (ejaculation) or golden showers (peeing). Urine is antiseptic. It's not an evil substance.

It sounds to me like you might be having orgasms. Take time to read my first time orgasm information. When all else fails, follow the directions. My website is full of information on female masturbation as the best way for any woman to learn about her own orgasmic process. The important element in strengthening your PC muscle is to lift up, not to bear down. Be sure to read my instructions that go with the Betty's Vaginal Barbell. Include clitoral stimulation with your fingers, a battery vibrator or the Magic Wand and end the exercise with an orgasm. Claim your own sexual pleasure and you will be a better sex partner.

Get back to me with the good news. Betty