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Dear Betty,

First of all, thanks for the amazing resources you have here! For the first time since I started trying to understand my own orgasms–it's been about four years!–I found validation for my own experiences. As it turns out, I've been giving myself pressure orgasms since I was young, and I, like others who have submitted questions, was worried that I had "ruined" my clitoris. After reading your techniques and tips I feel confident that I can wean myself off the pressure orgasm and learn some new tricks, and hopefully even orgasm with a partner.

My question is: am I going to know when I'm having a non-pressure orgasm?

Last night I spent some quality time trying the rock n' roll method. I got some great sensations and enjoyed non-pressure masturbation (probably for the first time ever). Eventually, after riding the crest of a great wave for a while, I felt like I no longer wanted to masturbate. I didn't feel frustrated like I usually do (when I feel like I've failed at orgasming) but I also didn't feel any particular release. There was leg-shaking and heavy breathing, and afterward I felt very relaxed and calm.

Honestly, the sensations could not have been more different to pressure orgasms, or to my idea of what a non-pressure orgasm might feel like, so I'm not sure what I was experiencing. Was it a fun step along the way to a new kind of orgasm or WAS it an orgasm? I'd love your perspective on the different sensations associated with different types of orgasms.

Dear J,

We must be careful about naming orgasm types! I'm not sure what you mean by "pressure" other than pressing down on your clitoris by hand or with a vibrator. Don't get too literal here. The idea is to allow the energy to move by breathing and rocking which is what you did by what I gather from what you've said. I think you did have an orgasm BUT like I've said in the past, "an orgasm is an orgasm is an orgasm."

I've compared "tension orgasms" to "the rock and roll" which is what I think you meant. Again, the idea is to experience pleasure NOT just to "get it right." And it sounds like you did enjoy what was happening. Stay out of your head and stay in your body. I think you are doing just fine.

Dr. Betty