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Dear Betty,

I've read many of the subjects on this website and a lot of them helped me to understand my sexuality.

Since I was a child I masturbated by humping on a cushion. I can still orgasm very easily like this but not very strongly and it doesn't seem to improve. Since then I've tried to masturbate with my hands but without any success. It doesn't even feel good, though I admit I might not have put enough effort in it. One thing is I'm a lesbian, and I like to fantasize I'm penetrating my girlfriend when I masturbate. I have the sense that imagining that I have a penis makes me neglect my clitoris and vulva. But when I masturbate with my hands it's hard to reach the same level of excitation if I'm not fantasizing that way.

Do you think I can still change my masturbation technique and awaken my clitoris by touching it with my hands? Is it unhealthy to keep having fantasy about having a penis, if I feel like it makes me less conscious about my genitals?

I hope you can help me and thank you for this website! Every girl should be able to access it!

Dear C,

You have your own penis, it's your clitoris, the female phallus with 8,000 nerve endings!. You need to get a free standing mirror and a light source you can aim between your legs. Then sit down and examine your vulva. When you pull the hood back from your clitoris you will see your clitoral glans that becomes the penile glans for boys as a baby grows in a mothers womb.

You need use some kind of organic massage oil like coconut or some other nut oil and do a vulva massage. Not to get turned on but just to feel good like a body massage. Gently massaging your clitoris with oil will begin to feel good if you'll just be patient. Your old humping technique is very indirect pressure. It might take some time so just be patient. Having a visual along with tactile sensations helps. I'm including some links for the best essays. Read, practice and keep an open mind.

Dr. Betty