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Dear Betty,

I'm not an english native speaker so please excuse me if my english is not the most elegant.

I've recently had sex with a man for the first time and was pretty disappointed by the actual intercourse. Everything else was great - kissing, making out and petting have been fantastic, I even came during foreplay and couldn't wait to sleep with him. But I just didn't feel the slightest bit when he entered my vagina, I couldn't even tell if he was already inside me or not. This was quite a shock for me because I have always enjoyed penetrating myself with a dildo (of average penis size, it's not a big porn thingy that gave me unrealistic expectations). I enjoyed the feeling of being stretched and really liked the pressure that it caused.

Now, I really don't expect to be shot to the moon just by being penetrated by my boyfriend's cock or even have orgasms through intercourse only. But surely I should feel something when he is inside of me? We tried all kinds of positions, in some of them he actually got very deep which was ok but I think the deepness of the penetration is not what turns me on. I really did miss the feeling of being slightly stretched by something hard and thick.

When I was looking for advice on the internet it turned out that this seems to be quite a common problem. There are SO many desperate women out there on forums, who say that they just do no feel the penises of their partners during intercourse at all.

Could it be that this is a "fit problem" and that his penis is too small for me in terms of its girth? Or is this more a matter of figuring out the right position, mind set etc?

Thanks so much for your advice.

S

Dear S,

First off, your English is excellent. Where are you currently living? Your experience pretty much matches what many of us go through. Sex play with kissing, hugging and genital fondling gave me incredible orgasms and like you, vaginal penetration rarely delivered an orgasm although guys usually came with vaginal penetration!

Our pleasure repressed society thanks to most organized religions puts a huge emphasis on vaginal intercourse as the end all be all of human sexuality. As most women learn, it is not! Since it's procreative sex, it's the one we honor and how most men want to have their orgasms.

You ask, could this be a "fit problem" or figuring out the "right position"? Yes and no. We are entitled to have a penis size we prefer just like guys have their preferences for body types. But size doesn't have to be a deal breaker providing the man is first class lover who knows how to use his hands, mouth and tongue along with some sweet or dirty talk sklls.

Since you have been masturbating with a dildo, what is it made out of? And how close is the dildo size in relationship with your partner''s penise? What will help is to tune into your pelvic floor muscle and learn to work your PC muscle during penetration while you also stimulate your clitoris the same as when you masturbate. When he is entering you the muscle is relaxed, when he pulls out, the muscle is contracted as it squeezes his penis. The instructions are on the website under Betty's Vaginal Barbell. Let me know if this solves your problem.

Dr. Betty