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Dear Dr. Betty,

My boyfriend and I have a great relationship. He is amazing and I am totally satisfied in every way. Sexually as well. He is the first partner I am able to regularly orgasm with during sex and I find him amazingly attractive.

My problem is I think I have an unusually low libido. I greatly enjoy sex when I do have it, and as I stated I have no trouble orgasming. However, I don't feel the need to have sex very often. I would say about a few times a month on average. It's just not something I think about often or feel a very strong need for.

My boyfriend on the other hand is a typical male and desires it relatively frequently. He is never demanding, but he has on several occasions expressed concern to me over my seeming lack of desire. He seems to think I am bored with him or do not find him attractive, which is absolutely not true. When I asked him how frequent he would like our sex to be he said 2-3 times a week would be great. That does not sound unreasonable to me at all.

I want him to feel as satisfied as I do. How can I learn to desire sex on a more frequent basis? How can I arouse my lustful passion regularly?

Dear S,

Ah yes, the magic pill that will create sexual lust in women! You and the pharmaceutical companies are looking for an answer to this one. I don't even like the word "libido" it's a Freudian term for sexual desire. He's the same dude who came up with the theory that vaginal orgasms are mature while clitoral ones were immature. Yeah, like an old, uptight Victorian doctor knows more about a woman's sex organ that women do!

Many women agree that arousal proceeds desire. Once I stimulate my clitoris for just a moment it often leads to wanting more. Or looking at something hot can create sexual interest after just a bit of blood flows into our sex organ-- the beginning of an erection. Or a lover will nibble an ear, or plant a special kiss that sparks interest.

Since sex between you is so orgasmic, that means once you get going it's fun! Tell him he can initiate sex whenever he's in the mood and you'll be happy to join him. Just don't fall into the female trap of worrying about his "feelings" and making sure he's happy at your expense. How about a compromise? He wants to fuck three times a week so you can join him twice and for the third one, he can masturbate.

Dr. Betty