Anyone in some kind of sexual club will most likely be safe due to multiple partners.
There is nothing wrong or weird about your idea of two couples having sex in the same room as a way to later swap partners.
Asking how she likes to have her clitoris touched is a winner in my books.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news but your boyfriend is not in your league.
Kink is normal, natural, necessary. Relax, play, enjoy.
Creating a context where you can take back control can be healing.
It sounds like your boyfriend is simply a cross dresser or a transvestite.
I hope you develop more respect for your body and in the future never let some jackass slam into you like what you described.
Our gender identity is far more complicated than our binary system of straight or gay.
You might consider taking a home video of her sucking you off.