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Hello Betty.

I recently discovered your (words cannot describe, but I'll try) incredibly helpful and wonderful site (my favorite aspect so far has gotta be your video podcasts with carlin), I JUST got an account about ten minutes ago, and I've built up the courage to ask you a question. I think I need to explain my sexual history, though, to get an "educated" response. My current sexual partner is my only ever sexual partner.

And he was my first, and I his. I had been very experienced in masturbation and very comfortable in giving myself pleasure whenever I needed/wanted to do so. I don't know if this is relevant, but he had never done so until recently. We were each other's first kiss, fondling, and various other sexual "steps" towards intercourse for the first time. I am open with him about my wants, but he is inexperienced sexually (with a partner) just like I am and some subjects are difficult to breach.

Lately, I've been curious in a couple areas, namely the use of a vibrating ring during sex(I bought one, he tried it on, didn't like the vibration...and I was left upset, not knowing how to explain to him that I still very much want to give it a try, thank you very much), and oral sex. He was reluctant about both, but I persuaded him to let me attempt oral on him (shocking, I know, a guy that found oral sex unappealing. anyway, I digress) and he loved it. And I explained to him, point-blank: I would like an attempt in return. He is...very hesitant. He says he wouldn't know what to do, that he's scared and I can deal with that. I told him, give it a try, try blank and blank, I'll tell you what feels good and what doesn't...I even sent him your "How to perform oral sex on a woman" article. (just last night, though, so he hasn't read it)

I feel as though we have reached a point where I'd like to try new things, he is reluctant and kind of has a "if it ain't broke, don't fix it" mentality. I enjoy the sex we have but I am an explorer by nature. I, ideally, would love to try everything at least once because you don't know what you don't like until you TRY IT. And within the whole realm of human sexuality I am left unexperienced in certain areas,and it's not the inexperience that bothers me.

It's my curiosity! I want to know. And there is a lot of which I want to try with my also inexperienced partner. Your site is enormous help, but I wanted a direct answer, if possible. How can I encourage my partner to keep an open mind and try what I would like to try in a way that gets the point home firmly? I understand that there are certain no-go areas with sexual partners...but since we are both adrift with no other experience, really what is the harm with trying everything?

Dear A,

Thanks for all your appreciation. I hate to be the bearer of bad news but your boyfriend is not in your league. You have a healthy curiosity and he's a stick in the mud, fearful of change and experimenting. I doubt he'll ever be a good sex partner with all the things he's afraid to try. In other words, you are sexually incompatible.

When sex is good between couples it's usually good right at first and then gets better. You clearly see his hang-ups and blocks so my suggestion is to move along.You both need to have a few sexual experiences with other people to grow up before making any long term commitments.

Dr. Betty