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Dear Dr. Betty,

I've been masturbating since I was a young child. It was a shameful thing to do in my household, so I would masturbate in the tub or the shower with the water so that my parents wouldn't know. When I moved away to college I started using a vibrator. I get the most amazing orgasms and multiple orgasms to boot. The only concern I have is will this prevent me from orgasm with a partner?

I've had sex before, but never received oral. When I've had sex I've never come to full climax. I'm wondering if masturbation is causing me to not be able to orgasm with a man because I am used to the intensity of a vibrator and thus sex and possibly oral (I'll know when I find a man who wants to go down on me) aren't enough stimulation? Should I stop masturbating if I want to orgasm with a man?

Dear J,

I would suggest you incorporate how you come now into sex with a partner. In other words, find a guy who is vibrator friendly and use it on your clit while he's paying attention to moving inside your vagina. We have some new clips under Videos that shows this being done. Clitoral stimulation combined with vaginal penetration is the way to go for most women.

If you want to have orgasms from his touch or tongue alone, then yes, retire your vibrator and be willing to go quite a while without an orgasm while you continue to do manual stimulation! But I ask, what man would be willing to make that kind of sacrifice just so his partner could be the source of his orgasm?

I believe we are all responsible for our own orgasms. Once we let go of the romantic notion that women are supposed to come from Romeos' penis, finger or tongue, I think that's when we will eliminate the battle between the sexes. When he moves his penis in and out of your vagina, he is getting the ideal kind of stimulation for his orgasm. When you use your vibe you are getting the ideal kind of stimulation for your clitoris. This combination is a winner. Or, you can get fucked, fake an orgasm and when he leaves get out your vibrator. I did that for years and missed a lot of good orgasms.

Dr. Betty

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