Need Help with Anal Sex!

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Betty Dodson

Dear Dr. Betty,

Let me first say I have been an admirer of yours for a while from reading your column in BUST magazine. I love you. Anyway, after being in a purely sexual relationship for several years, I met a new man and I'm very much in love. We have a great sex life so far (we've been seeing each other and sleeping with each other for about a month). I'm not climaxing every time (it always takes me a few months to really let go), but nonetheless, I am very happy with this new relationship, in bed and out. I have gotten great stimulation from my partner touching me around my behind and putting his finger a little in. It really gets me off, and I'm ready for more.

But we tried anal sex last night and he was only able to go in about an inch before it hurt. I was very nervous and worry about having an "accident." I'm also quite messed up back there because of two pregnancies and difficult deliveries. I still want to try it; I'm in love with my partner and want to do something I've never done before with him. I have to say he is incredibly attentive and understanding and would not force me to do this. I want to, though. So, do I need to have an enema before? Should I make sure I've completely "evacuated" before?

Thank you Betty for any advice you can give me.


Dear N,

Get my book "Orgasms for Two" and read my chapter on anal sex titled "Rosebud." I share my experiences including the good, the bad and the very hot. I'm not sure what your "difficult deliveries" entailed but if anal penetration with a penis would cause any kind of physical problem then I would suggest staying with fingers only as it really does work quite well erotically. If you feel you are completely healed, then I see no problem.

The enema ritual can be a simple lower bowel douche with a Fleet enema purchased at the drugstore. It's best not to go for a full evacuation with repeated insertion of the enema nozzle as your butty hole will be exhausted and need to rest. It has been recommended to wait a couple of hours after an enema to make sure all the water is expelled. Best case scenario is to have a natural BM with nice firmly packed feces followed by a shower where you insert your own finger inside your anus to make sure it's clean.

One key element for anal penetration is using plenty of lube and going slow. My problem was getting urinary tract infections when the lube ran down into my urethra because I preferred doggie position. Woman on top would be safer in the lube department. Any first time anal penetration will sting or burn at first. Have him stop and hold still while you breathe and relax as best you can for a moment. Then bear down a bit like you're pushing out a stubborn turd while he presses in further. Stop, start with lots of breathing and lubrication and patience. Once he's past those sphincter muscles and you have a vibrator on you clit, it's glory hallelujah time.


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