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Dearest Betty and Carlin, get a drink, this is a long one.

I am a 63yr old lesbian and I have finally started my journey toward sexual healing and liberation. I discovered your wonderful web site while searching for information on hooded clits. Google had listed it’s best results, when I accidentally dropped my mouse on the keyboard, and up popped your clitoral hood chart page. If that’s not the Goddess sending me to you, I don’t know what is.

I started reading. I read for hours. I cried out of pain, I cried out of joy, I cried out of anger, finally I cried out of sadness that it has taken me 63 years to start this healing.

So here I am. When my last relationship failed because of my sexual dysfunction, I isolated myself both emotionally and physically. I bought a ranch out in the middle of NoDamnWhere, TX, built a small home, and have lived here alone ever since. I only see other humans about once a week, when I drive in for groceries.

This life style suited me for a very long time. “You’re such a strong woman” I told myself, “You’re like the pioneers, so self-reliant” I said, “You don’t need anybody”.

What horse shit!

About 6 weeks ago I woke up one morning, sat up in bed, and realized that I built this house 17 years ago, and I’ve never been kissed in it. I’ve never been touched or tickled in it. I’ve never made love in my own home. I started crying and I cried for hours from a sad, sad, painful place. It was like the doors that held my pain had been thrown open and all that childhood trauma came flooding out.

It came at me in waves for several days. All the stuff that I had repressed that made me into the sexually dysfunctional, fearful, bundle of joy that I became. I knew I had to change. I wanted to change. I refuse to be alone anymore!!!

That’s how it all began. I’ve made a plan and I’m moving forward. In the next few months I’ll sell this ranch. I REFUSE to be isolated anymore. I’m moving to CA where I have lots of family, so I won’t be alone. I’ll be in a city, so I can meet other woman.

The most important changes I am making are in my sexual being. Most of the healing I need is emotional, but some is physical. I’m postmenopausal and have absolutely NO sex drive. I have an appointment next month to discuss bio-identical hormone replacement with my doctor. I started using OTC Estriol cream yesterday, so I hope that helps till then.

Also, I’ve always had a difficult time having an orgasm. It just takes forever, requires a lot of pressure and I can only have one. I remembered that may years ago my gynecologist told me that I have a heavily hooded clitoris that probably interferes with my pleasure. Yeah, probably. So I got out my mirror and flashlight to see what that was all about. That’s when I went searching for information on hooded clits, and dropped my mouse on my keyboard, and found you two.

So, about 3 weeks ago I bought Betty’s barbell, a mystic wand, a gallon of lube and started following Betty's combination orgasms method. Some of the time I am successful, some of the time I am not, but I will keep trying.

I have a few questions for you. My vagina is very tight. I can’t even get the well lubed, small end of the barbell inserted. It’s just too uncomfortable. I couldn’t find any information on how to stretch my vagina or relax my pelvic floor muscles enough to allow penetration. What do you suggest?

Also, I do have a heavily hooded clitoris and have read a great deal about clitoral hood reduction surgery. It all seems to stress the appearance after the surgery, and not discuss functionality. I want to be able to achieve orgasm more quickly, more frequently, more intensely etc, or there would be no reason to do this. What is your opinion?

That brings me to today. I find that I want to be help and touched. I want my body to respond to my own touch, and that of a lover. That’s a new and exciting feeling for me.

I am doing this!

Blessings,
S

Dear S,

What a story.

Dear S, No to any clitoral hood surgery. No, No, No. You are at the beginning of becoming sexual post menopause. All clitorises have hoods as you have seen. And I'm sure yours is normal. You were the victim of some doctor who didn't know much about sex and took a guess. She was wrong.

Use the hormone cream, get the Magic Wand rechargeable vibrator and keep practicing masturbation. Just use your finger for a bit of vaginal penetration for now. After more practice and a few girlfriends later, your vagina will open. But it will always be you clitoris as the star of the show. Just bask in the splendor of selfloving with your independent orgasms. Enjoy

Dr. Betty