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Dear Dr. Betty,

I have no idea how to fantasize. Ive been trying and nothing comes to mind. Any ideas how to ? One thing that turns me on and leads to orgasm is watching porn where a woman with large breasts bouncing and hearing her "have pleasure". I cant orgasm without porn like I use to when i was younger.

I remember just focusing on the noise and sensations my body was making. Than when I married my husband introduced me to porn, which I watched occasionally/rarely. I divorced and began dating a guy who was a porn/sex addict, i became one too and since then cant orgasm without porn. Do I give up porn completely to allow my mind to get back into my body? In the meantime do I not masturbate for a long time till my brain is rewired?

Dear H,

Fantasy is at the heart of the creative process. It begins by using your imagination. Like making a good meal or picking out a smart outfit or decorating a room.

Start by imaging a fantasy lover or an ideal sexual encounter. Read erotic stories and supply your own images. In other words, be creative instead of consuming canned images of porn. After all, porn is basically entertainment for sex starved men.

Dr. Betty