Articles

Hi Betty,

I'm 26-year-old, and English is not my mother tongue, so forgive me for any mistakes in writing

I am writing you because I have a problem that I don't know how to identify and I don't know how to solve.

Puzzle's pieces (it took me one hour to finish this!)

1) I don't feel "sexual attraction" when I see people - men or women - I don't find them sexually attractive, some people are aesthetically more (physically or mentally) beautiful than others, and I'm able to fell in love (once in 1'000 years), with "butterflies in my stomach" and so on, but it's all here. No "sexual attraction". No desire. Nothing.

2) I masturbate and watch pornography (of all kinds), I also have "sexual thoughts" but never in the first person. Pornography is useful to become physically aroused and masturbate. Yep, I'm physically okay, I can reach orgasm with ease and pretty quickly. But it's not "desire".

3) I never had a boyfriend and I never had sex.

4) Even if I meet an interesting guy, I'm not able to flirt, I'm not able to be "romantic" or "sexy". They say that I'm really "cold". No kisses, no "mutual masturbation", it's too triggering and I'm not able.

5) I find sex annoying, useless. Or disgusting, triggering, repulsing, agressive, rough, denigrating, humiliating to the female figure. Certainly not a sign of love. Hugs, kisses, hand holding: this is love language, not being f*cked.

6) "Romantic/gentle sex"? Pathetic, it makes me sick. It would be great if it wouldn't be fake, and I'm not so evil to convince someone to do this.

7) Sexless relationships? Paradoxically they do not seem to me "real relationships". A part of me wants have a relationship with sex.

I searched on the internet and on YouTube using various keywords (sex phobia, sexual anorexia, erotophobia, sexual aversion, sexual inhibition, inimacy phobia, intimacy anxiety, female loveshyness, hypoactive sexual desire, etc etc), but I found virtually nothing.

What can I do to learn how to flirt and start having sex even if I dislike it?

Maaaany thanks :)

M.

Dear M,

Why would you want to have sex with another person it you dislike it so much?

Simply continue to enjoy your orgasms with masturbation until "the spirit" moves you to do more. There is nothing wrong with being celibate. Look at all the Nuns and Priests who are perfectly happy without any partners for sex.

Dr Betty