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Dear Betty,

I am super happy to inform you that the barbell has become essential to our marriage. I am 66 and my wife 67. We have some foreplay and then she uses the magic wand and barbell combination. She usually has a rather intense orgasm after a short while. Then I glisten myself with almond oil and either masturbate in front of her with her holding my balls, or I harden myself up and come inside with the side position (you spoke of it in sex for one). What you have done is beyond imagining! I hope you are aware of your contribution.

Rilka said that the greatest challenge of the future would be related to the new equality of men and women. This now has become true. And your work has gently directed women towards their own sexual triumph and liberty. We guys have such a quick reaction, (physiologically), and we are overcome with our own agenda. Watching your orgasmic women video, I realized that a good deal of the joy of sex for the woman is the "surround" of the orgasm along with the orgasm itself. How do I know?! Nevertheless, I am inspired to prolong our next sexual event to include a lot more body stimulation. Also, it is extraordinary that your barbell helps me to develop a new approach to sex in the later years.

Many have asked the question why nature blundered by placing the main female response organ somewhat apart from the male thrusting zone. I think the answer is that both the clit and penis grew from the same original cells and therefore are located in similar places. Pleasure accompanies the male experience of procreating. This gaurentees survival of the species. Once accomplished, however, we then need to progress to the level of culture and civilization. This accomplishment is at the center of what we mean by human. Thus the answer is simple. Don't ask nature to solve the problem of human happiness. Nature only knows instinct. As Bergson said" instinct alone can accomplish things that intelligence by itself could never accomplish, but without intelligence,would never seek". So, it is intelligence that guides us towards the answers, not mere instinct.

Instinct is still way powerful for us males. Yet when I see your orgasmic women in operation, I realize how much they get out of the slow build up. So, armed with intelligence, it is possible to recognize that culture and civilization emanate from "sex by design" as you say! Pleasure is as much a matter of intelligence as instinct. Knowing that the clitoris is the center of a woman's fulfillment, the man can re-orchestrate his whole approach to sex! It seems to me that you are saying that any and all sexual activities have equal standing(as long as we are not talking about cruelty). Thus the long vaunted status of intercourse can subside. Thus far, movies have not taken that up. And because of your teaching, we guys as we age, can envision a masturbation sharing experience as equal to any other sexual activity. Thus, nobility and dignity emanate from culture-not nature. Nature gives us ourselves, but we intern educate ourselves to form civilization.

We are now almost married 45 years. So the addition of the barbell to our repertoire has been most helpful. Thank you!

Dear S,

I love it when a man "get's it!" The ole cock-in-the-hole is only part of sexual pleasure for women especially once a woman goes past menopause. You are one smart man who will not be put "on pause" as you have expanded your definition of orgasmic pleasures that can continued to be shared. Congratulation to both you and your wife.

Best wishes for your continued happy orgasms.

Dr. Betty

Dear Betty,

I really love your Friday videos with Carlin. I feel that you push the edge for us and in particular when it comes to overcoming inhibitions. I would like to share some things with my wife and only need a little nudge. I experience fear, but I have ideas that I think would enhance our relationship. When I think of you, I think about courage and daring, and I believe that with those things can come more respect for myself and my wife. Eleonor Roosevelt said that each day she did something that scared her.

So far, there have been very few of those of late for me. I am a retired clarinetist from the Kennedy Center Opera House Orchestra, and recently participated in a recital ,and was nervous, but want to do that again! I will attempt to dare in the areas that you have so often spoken about that broaden our sexual horizons. When I dare, I will thank you.

S