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Dear Betty and Carlin,

First, thank you so much for you work! You helped me finally accept myself as a sexual being. You're a great example of how beautiful women are when they're strong and sexually empowered. When I grow up, I want to be just like you two! ;-)

I'm a 30 years old french woman (I apologize in advance if my english is not perfect). Orgasm during partnersex has always been difficult for me - for some reason I always stayed at the edge. I only discovered it last year, during a trip to Amsterdam : I had some of that "special cake" they make there and my new and hot boyfriend was giving me a cunnilingus. I discovered that there was another "special effect" to the "special cake"!

After that I have been able to have orgasms with him during oral or manual sex, even though I need a lot of time and stimulation in order to come - I'd say at least 25 to 45 minutes. I had tried masturbating during penetration - since I couldn't come for penetration only - but the stimulation wasn't strong enough to bring me to orgasm (which is strange because when I'm alone and masturbate manually, I come pretty easily).

I discovered orgasm during penetration a few months ago, using the Hitachi Magic Wand and the Fairy Mini (on your advice). Since then, I also use them for masturbation, combined with a dildo in my vagina and it's pure heaven! But there seems to be a little side effect ; I'm having more difficulties to come when my partner is giving me oral or manual sex and even when I'm masturbating, it's harder to get to orgasm just using my fingers.

I wonder if I've misused the sextoys and if I shouldn't try avoiding them for a moment ? I wouldn't want to become unable to come without the help of technology, because what if there's an apocalypse and I survive but there's no electricity? ;-)

Seriously, I'm wondering if my clit is not sensitive enough… Since I became orgasmic during partnersex, I've slept with my boyfriend only and it's easy to use whatever sextoy I want with him. But I'd like to have sex with other men - and maybe women - and it might be difficult to just pop an Hitachi out of my purse for a one night stand… But now that I have orgasms during partnersex, I'm not prepared to let it go. What are your experiences about this? I think Carlin had said something about that in a video - a guy who told her to abandon her Hitachi, so he could finally give her a "real" orgasm - but I can't find it anymore…

Thanks again for your essential work, hope someone in France will follow your lead !

E.

Dear E,

Welcome to the age of sex toys! I've had this question asked many times before: "To Vibrate or Not to Vibrate." Now that you have discovered the world of electric and battery driven vibrators, instead of seeing this as inferior to fingers and tongues, I'd suggest you accept this new technology and enjoy it.

When women worry about becoming "vibrator dependent" I ask if they think it's better to be boyfriend dependent? A vibrator wears out and you buy a new one. A boyfriend wears out and if you're married to him, you can't just get a new one without wading through all kinds of problems and obstacles.

Orgasm during vaginal penetration sex has always been difficult for MOST women. A penis inside the vagina feels great, but it does not provide adequate stimulation for the clitoris in spite of the G spot craze that I believe works for a few women only. So why would it matter if you use a vibe while you're fucking? Oh, because Mr. Macho thinks his precious dick should be all you need? Or because you've been brainwashed to think one kind of sex is normal while another kind is not. Nonsense!!!

I suggest you get my latest favorite vibrator that runs on batteries. The Mystic Wand is very quiet, small and adorable. It has 5 different settings and doesn't need an outlet to plug into. I say until the Apocalypse shows up, stay with what works for you. I don't see my vibrator use as an addiction, but rather my sexual preference!

Dr. Betty