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Dear Betty,

I am a 20 year old female that has really recently become more sexually active. I am still a virgin... But I have been experimenting more with masturbation and letting my boyfriend touch me a little. And because of this I have obviously become more aware of my "lady bits" and I have also researched it more. I have always had a good idea of what I looked like down there, as I have been pretty faithful about doing monthly checks to help screen for vulvar cancer. I never had a real problem with how I looked even though I had some asymmetry and parts of my labia hung more than I would have liked.

The insecurities came when I started to research more about sex, and the anatomy of both a man and a woman to prepare myself in case of losing my virginity, because my boyfriend and I had discussed that possibility a little bit... I saw women complaining about how their labia looked and how it made them feel insecure when it came to being intimate.. And it started to take a toll on me, making me wonder if maybe I should be insecure too?

After a couple of days I started to kind of get over it until I begin to notice that my labia was starting to sag even a little more than normal after fairly frequent masturbation via vibrator... And of course that freaked me out all over again. It's not like it was a HUGE difference, but enough to be noticeable and I hate it, I have been struggling with the insecurity over this for the past few days.

Then I found your website and decided that you would probably be a good person to ask for advice. I am now shying away from any kind of intimacy with my boyfriend, and masturbation. I don't want my labia to become any more stretched out! I think I could probably learn to cope with how it is now, and love it like I once did.. But I don't want it to become worse. Could it become worse/will it, if I have sex, or continue with masturbation or any other kind of sexual intimacy?

I am kind of terrified to make any further steps in my sex life at this point. I wish I wasn't... I want to be able to love my entire body, and enjoy sex... But I am just afraid that if this "sagging" becomes any worse it will cause me to become more depressed about it. I hope to love my labia again one day... And I am hoping that any advice and answers you can give me will be the first step towards that.

Dear M,

First off Darling, I really dislike the term, "Lady bits" as demeaning while referring to a woman's vulva that is capable of giving birth. Women have a powerful and dynamic sex organ that many men envy.

You're a perfect example of having to unlearn misinformation from other girls who are sexually retarded over their ridiculous unhappiness with inner lips that extend beyond the outer labia. That particular form happens to be the one most of us have and I'm a sexologist who has viewed millions!

Unfortunately the inner labia frenzy is the result of porn that has women undergo a series of cosmetic surgery procedures that supposedly appeal to men. We all know how popular breast implants became along with nose jobs, liposuction and lip augmentation to achieve "blow job lips" plus laser procedures to erase stretch marks or any other imperfections that might show up under a high def camera.

You're a perfect example of the power of suggestion when you said, "I started to kind of get over it until I begin to notice that my labia was starting to sag even a little more than normal after frequent masturbation via vibrator... And of course that freaked me out all over again."

Get a grip!

You went on the website but didn't take time to look around for more information. I even have drawings and photos of the vulva posted. Read some of the Q&A under Ask Dr. Betty. It's all there. Time for you to embrace your perfectly normal and beautiful sex organ. And by the way, if your orgasmic with masturbation you can drop the label "virgin" which is an outdated concept today. It originally meant a woman who's taken a vow to never marry as in the "Vestal Virgins."

Dr. Betty