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Hello:

I have been admiring your site for years, but when I got the nerve to ask one of many hard questions for my wife's stroke she had in september of 2008. My question is if a woman has had a CVA or stroke, what happened to her sexuality? Since she has been home we have tried many times to have sex, but she does come close to enjoying like she did before.

Any help in what I can do to help her enjoy this. Yes I have resorted to masterbation for myself, but the closeness is what I desire, when two bodies are one, that makes sex more enjoyable, more lasting. I feel I am not connecting to that part in her that we once had. I can stimulate her, but she tells me that it do does not help. Our old sex positions are not obtainable, or too slow to get to. I am asking a hard question from a man that loves sex and loves to take care of my loved one, we have been married for 38yrs and I dont need to be stopped in taking care of her.

Dear JH,

First you need to be sure having partnersex if what your wife also wants. If she's doing it just to please you, it's actually an extra burden for her to endure. If she enjoys the closeness of your body and attention, then I would consider that to be sufficient without her having to orgasm as she once did. You must ask her what she wants and put that before your own needs. Get my book "Orgasms for Two" and check out the different ways couples can share sex. You might also consider getting a vibrator for more clitoral stimulation which would make it easier for her. Let her guide you instead of you running the show.

When my webmaster Grant had his first stroke, after a few months he was back to masturbating and having orgasms, but he no longer wanted regular intercourse due to changes in his body with muscle weakness. This will be a case by case situation and will be different for each individual. Most important is to communicate with your wife and listen to what she says. I wish you both the best of everything.

Dr. Betty