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Dear Dr. Betty,

I am 71 years old, had a hysterectomy 30 years ago, been off estrogren for 10 years and not had intercourse in many years, and before that infrequently. The last time I attempted intercourse it was painful and stinging. Four months ago I began masturbating (no prior experience) the vaginal barbell at first was painful and stung to insert but soon became enjoyable. With the strawberry vibrator I never had any difficulty with stinging or burning upon insertion and I LOVE IT!

I recently purchased "Smartballs" but have found it stings and is quite painful upon trying to insert them.

Once I get the first ball in, it begins to feel all right but then I cannot get the second ball to penetrate deeply enough to stay in. It is as if I do not have a deep enough vagina to accommodate both balls and yet I can easily accommodate the same depth with my vibrator. What can I do to have both of them fit in and stay to walk around with them?

I also purchased a "Delight" which goes inside to stimulate the G-spot and the outside is to stimulate the clitoris. On attempting penetration, it also stung and burned a lot. Most discouraging was that I couldn't even get it to penetrate at all because of the angle or the way I was holding it.

I would appreciate any advice on how to deal with the burning and stinging issue because I would really like to use these sex toys and perhaps someday to accommodate a penis. Thanks you so much

Dear BY,

My dear woman you are proof that the seventies are indeed the youth of old age. I applaud your curiosity and sense of adventure. However, you didn't mention using a lubricant which is your number one sex toy.

My experience with vaginal penetration with a penis after menopause required using a bioidentical hormonal cream. It requires a doctor's prescription. Read Hormone Replacement: One Sexologists Personal Experience 

In your search for vaginal and g-spot pleasure, they'll always be a secondary form of stimulation in relation to your #1 source of pleasure: your clitoris. Get my book Orgasms for Two.

Since you have the barbell, be sure to include clitoral stimulation along with your kegel exercises. Most of us wise crones are focused on the clitoris NOT the vagina or the g-spot when it comes to enjoying our orgasms. Stay in touch and let me know how you're doing.

Dr. Betty