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Dear Betty,

I love to look at porn. My wife likes to look at times too but feels guilty. We feel like it is a sin, but enjoy it so much. Do you think porn can ruin a marriage? If I look at porn I feel so guilty. I just love my wife and family so much. Sometimes when my wife finds out I look at porn she is so hurt. Why do men struggle with porn so much. I wish I could just not look at it. Do a lot of men struggle with this? -- J

Dear J,

Sexual boredom ruins marriages. The whole idea behind looking at porn is to fuel our sexual fantasies during masturbation for a little sexual variety. You and your wife are really struggling with guilt over masturbation. First you say your wife likes to look at times but at other times she is hurt if you look. Why don't you get my latest book Orgasms for Two and see if you can masturbate together occasionally to reduce some of your guilt feelings.

I believe some women feel left out when their partners are wanking to images of other women. It's difficult for the average woman to compete with the young beautiful women in porn with implants and perfect faces and bodies. And now many men are beginning to feel inadequate over penis size, how far and how much they shoot, and how big their muscles are when they compare themselves to male porn stars. The amount of semen ejaculated can be faked as well as women's orgasms. So don't forget that the actual sex in most porn is not exactly a primer on how to make love to a woman. Its purpose it to get you hot.

We all struggle with some kind of sexual guilt and viewing porn is just one. I say guilt is totally worthless. We don't learn anything from it and it keeps us stuck in a rut. Instead of embracing the sexual joy we can experience in our bodies and minds, we spend all of our time feeling guilty. Give it up. Not the porn but the guilt. Pleasure is so difficult to come by in this culture. I say fight for your right to enjoy your porn, your sexual fantasies, your masturbation and your orgasms.

Instead of giving in to censoring yourself, question why almost all organized religions loathe the body and human sexuality.

Betty