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Hello Betty,

I am going to cut the admiring part short but just know that you are inspiring me not only in sexual matters but in 'liberating myself from all things bringing me down and enjoying selfloving'.

My question is a mix between my sexual orientation and physical ability to orgasm. I am very happy and proud to be bisexual and to try new things as I come across them in life. I am 25 and I am just out of a 6 years relationship with a woman my age, we were having big dreams, now we have big disappointments. We used to have a satisfying sex life until our relationship got broken. Now, I am having regular sex with a black man, who is proving the word, big. I can really feel the difference of a penis; I enjoy both, men and women but the orgasms I have are no way near what I had with her. I always have to stimulate myself during sex, masturbate when he is in me, so I can come and the quality is really bad. It is just, a thing.

I am wondering that maybe people are right, I am gay and there is nothing such as bisexual... But I love having sex with him, it is just not satisfying in the end... I am also wondering how I can actually have an orgasm through penetration, for that, I am studying your blog and reading books about it. I live in the Netherlands, so I can not come and see you. If I were in the US I would save up and come and see you, definitely.

Thanks again

You rock!

Dear E,

Stimulating your clitoris during vaginal penetration is what I teach women to do in order to have orgasms with men during partnersex. Very few women are able to naturally orgasm with vaginal penetration alone. One popular approach is to get a woman close to coming with manual or oral clitoral stimulation and then quickly change over to penis/vagina thrusting. I never found that satisfying, but you might enjoy it.

Why don't you just enjoy his big dick and then let him finish you off with oral sex? Or have a male and female lover at the same time. At the age of 25 many years of exciting sexual experiences lay ahead. Anyone who can masturbate to orgasm can also enjoy varied sex experience that are not all based on having an orgasm each time. After many a sex date, I ended up masturbating after I got home so the fucking was like foreplay for my selfloving. Nothing wrong with that unless you are being ruled by the 'thought police" that say we must orgasm every time we have sex with another person. Not true! Like they say, "It's all good!"

Dr. Betty