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Hello Betty and Carlin,

Thank you for your great work! Your videos are very fun to watch and so refreshing. They take the seriousness off the whole Subject of Sex. That alone is incredible and helpful.

I (33) have been a pleaser most of my sex life. My orgasms never mattered to too much to me.

I thought in my 20s to be good in bed (all girls want to be considered good in bed) to please the man. The orgasm of the man mattered. Not my own. What a mistake!

I got very insecure when a couple of my ex boyfriends asked me why i dont come? Or why it is taking me so long? I thought i was not-normal. Now i know why it is taking a bit longer and i am working on it. Thanks to you Two!

I started to put an end to this and confront my own orgasm skills.

I am practicing with the barbell and trying to let go more.

I am in a fantastic relationship and that alone gave me the confidence to talk about this subject.

Since i have been focusing all my energy on my orgasms now... (i still put myself under pressure... that i have to come quicker). I am starting to cause pressure for my boyfriend. I want to have sex way more often than he does.

My libido went up as my orgasm skills got better (thanks to the fabulous barbell), but somehow i cant turn my head off durning sex. I see images of other women my boyfriend was with before me, and came a lot quicker. So ridiculous i know. Needless to say that puts so much pressure on me and it is almost impossible to come.

C

Dear C,

1) Do you have a tip of how I can stop seeing these images and feeling the pressure of coming quicker than my body can?

I dislike the concept of "tips" when we are speaking about sexual knowledge and how to learn and practice what works for us. For centuries we have been limited to the male model of sexual response. But women function differently from men. It can easily take us between 30 to 60 minutes of clitoral stimulation before we can orgasm. And once we have one, we are capable of having many more. Truth is that women are far more sexual than men but we get a heavy dose of sexual lies and repression. Having an orgasm is not about relaxing and letting go. It's much more about moving, breathing out loud and staying focused like an athlete.

2) How can I give him his sex confidence back? So he is not annoyed with my sexual revolution phase :)?

Forget his sex confidence. If he was at all developed sexually, he would be reveling in your positive changes. Time for you to experience other men who are far more sex positive than him. Either that or go back to being a Sleeping Beauty who is devoted to his pleasure rather than your own.

3) How do I convince him that it is great to figure something out with me?

You can't convince him. If he's not on board with your sexual unfolding then forget him and continue to grow. That might be with someone else beside him.

4) He has been very patient, but I see that this whole thing is getting to him.

Oh Boo Hoo! The poor delicate baby is losing his Mommy's teat and now he must deal with a sexual woman rather than a man-pleaser. This is where you might consider going on your way to bigger and better sex experiences. If you must save this relationship, then continue to put yourself and your pleasure first. PLEASE no more sacrificing to please a man. The most exciting thing for a sexually healthy man is to be with a fully sexual woman.

Dr. Betty