Articles

Dear Dr. Betty,

I am twenty seven years old, and I experienced my first orgasm this past year towards the end of my second pregnancy. My body was getting ready for labor, and I was having mild contractions for the last month. I wonder now if that contributed to my situation. What I did was I placed a vibrator on the edge of a chair, and sat down. I tilted my pelvis forward, and rested my clitoral area on the vibrator. I was fully clothed at the time. I really enjoyed that the inseam of my jeans vibrated along with the vibrator against all of my fun areas. :) (I had never experimented with my clitoris before, as I found it to be too much.)

That time, however, as I fantasized and rocked on the vibrator, I reached an earth-shattering orgasm. My face and chest were red afterwards, my heart raced, I felt weak.. it was wonderful. I did this several times during that last month of pregnancy. Fast forward to now. I have not been able to orgasm since, despite exploring my clitoral area, encouraging my husband to join me in the exploration, and experimenting with vibrators and clitoral sensation enhancing creams.

Before that wonderful month of orgasms, I was satisfied with my sex life. I did not know what I was missing, I suppose. Now, however, I feel as though I am in mourning. I am mourning the loss of those regular orgasms! My question is this: Was the orgasm so powerful because my uterus was already contracting due to the pregnancy? Will I ever be able to have an orgasm of that magnitude again?

I am also concerned with the length of my clitoris. I seem to have a very short one, coupled with a hefty clitoral hood, and have been researching hood reduction procedures. I don't want to go to that extreme measure in my hunt for orgasms, but I am getting a little desperate!

Thank you so much for your wonderful website and incredible message. I have been deeply encouraged by everything I have encountered here.

Sincerely,
~S

Dear S,

When a woman is pregnant, she's in the best health possible including additional hormones. Now that you have some idea of what you've been missing, the key is not to blame the appearance of your clitoris or vulva BUT to practice regular sessions of masturbation to get to know how you function to achieve orgasm on a regular basis FIRST with yourself and then with a partner. All the information is available on D&R. Do not mess with your clitoral hood or inner labia thinking that is the answer. It is NOT. Neither are arousal creams. And since you are NOT an expert on how a clitoris looks ie length, glans or hood, do not assume anything is wrong with yours. IT was ignored for the first 27 years of your life, so give yourself some time to reawaken your clitoris. I'm enclosing a link to get you started. A great read for you right now would be my e-book "Orgasms for Two" that will help you to incorporate your masturbation practice into sex with your partner.

DO NOT compare what you feel now with the orgasm you had while pregnant. Nothing will throw you off faster than waiting to experience something from a memory while masturbating. This will take some time and patience but it's well worth it. Just do not expect the next orgasm to be anything like the first one that sneaked up on during your pregnancy.

Dr. Betty

Dr. Betty,

Thank you so much for your quick response! I read over the First Time Orgasm, and decided to try again. I was thrilled to see my clitoris pop out of the hood after a slow, patient, oiled vulva massage! It has always been so difficult for me to find! Of course, I've never used the mirror during masturbation, just felt around. I followed your steps, and I had a very good time. I think I may even have had a small orgasm! But you were right, it was different. I just tried to keep my mind on the present, instead of expecting a repeat of the last time. I'm not positive it was an orgasm, but I'm looking forward to trying again soon.

Oh, and I thought this was so cute, and I'm so anxious to tell someone! After I masturbated, I found my husband and tickled his nose a bit with my fingers. He smiled, and said, "What a nice aroma!" That was the most lovely response. And he's right! I do have a pretty nice aroma! Isn't it wonderful when you grow out of your old insecurities?

Thanks again for all your help. You are such an amazing woman!

~S