Articles

Dear Dr. Betty,

First of all, sorry if my English is bad, my native language is Spanish. Ok, on with it.

I'm a 22 year old woman and I've been masturbating since I was 14 or 15. The first years was just penetration with my fingers and I've never had an orgasm that way. I discovered my clitoris a long time ago after some internet searching and I have try clitoral stimulation with my fingers but something feels wrong when I touch it, it feels like it burns. I use the tip of my fingers to rub it, I've tried rubbing it directly, between my folds, tapping, etc and nothing feels good, sometimes I don't even feel like it's swollen or erect even though I'm wet in the moment.

When I try to stimulate it there are some tiny areas of my clit that feel like electricity when I touch it, I feel it for just a second and it makes my hips rock but it doesn't really feel good, it's almost uncomfortable. I try to keep going with that to see if that's the feeling everyone gets when they're close to orgasm but as I continue my clit burns and my hips move a lot, and I'm embarrassed to admit this but I reach a point when urine comes out and then I stop the stimulation 'cause I don't think that's how a climax is supposed to feel (even if I've never had one), it's just not pleasant at all. I don't feel the "waves" of pleasure or the contractions when I reach that point... Heck, it's not even erect!

I do feel pleasure when I use my fingers to rub my G-Spot but I've never had an orgasm that way either...

I've tried your exercises from the How To Orgasm article. I've tried masturbation with a vibrator that has clit stimulation, I've tried stimulation with lube... nothing works. I really need help, I don't know what's wrong with me!

Sincerely,

A Chilean friend

Dear C,

That burning sensation is signalling the stimulation is too strong and too direct on a sensitive organ with 8,000 nerve endings. Never touch your clit directly with dry fingers. Use some kind of lube like coconut or almond oil preferably organic. The hood is there to protect her so don't expose the glans and rub it like it's just another part of your body. Forget all the descriptions of orgasms that you've ever read like "waves" of pleasure or any contractions or other ideas about orgasms. We are all different and unique. I still have never been aware of any "contractions" so I don't know who came up with that one. Maybe spasms of my entire body but not vaginal contractions. STOP comparing and thinking!

Your English is fine and 22 is still quite young. Be gentle with your clitoris and focus your mind on an erotic or dirty fantasy instead of observing your self like under a microscope. That's not conducive to pleasure. And keep practicing with an open mind. It will become clear eventually, but patience is required.

Dr. Betty