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Dear Dr. Betty,

Cal and I have been seeing each other off and on for five years. We seem to drift in and out of each others lives fluidly and I have come to love and cherish the freedom within our relationship. I had only been with one other partner when Cal and I started seeing each other and he had never given me an orgasm (although I had given myself plenty).

With Cal however, only the third time we ever had vaginal intercourse, I had a full clitoral orgasm with no additional stimulation other than penetration. This was so magical to me; I, like many women, didn't believe that it was possible for me to have an orgasm just from intercourse! More of these orgasms happily followed.

A year later, Cal ended our relationship and I was devastated. As I said, though, over the years we continue to come back together when it feels right (pun intended) and our sex life today is explorative, orgasmic, and lots of fun. It is the best sex I have ever had.

However, this magical orgasm from penetration alone, the one that I experienced early in our relationship before we ever parted ways, has never reappeared. I suspect that it hasn't returned due to some kind of mental/emotional block and although its absence in our sex life has in part enabled both of us to explore many many new things in the bedroom together, I sometimes wonder if it will ever return and can't help but fear that it is gone forever.

What do you think? Should I hold out hope for this elusive orgasm or just let 'er go and continue to enjoy the great sex to which I have become accustomed?

Also, I have only recently discovered your site and am very much looking forward to trying out the EXTENSIVE list of things I have learned already. :)

Thanks.

Dear E,

Ah yes, the elusive vaginal orgasm. The one all women have been conditioned to desire. I too had some in my youth but I never knew why or how to recreate them so they were never all that dependable. One thing was for sure, it was before I'd discovered clitoral stimulation along with vaginal penetration which has been the most consistent source of orgasms with a partner.

The best I can come up with as an explanation for myself is that I was always deep into romantic love believing that my BF at the time was the man I would marry and we'd raise a family together. Somehow it just didn't work out.

Dr. Betty