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Hi Betty,

I'm 38 years old and I have noticed in the last few years that intercourse has become less stimulating and it is more difficult for me to orgasm when it never was before. I have read your site and I was happy to discover that I learned the rock and roll method to orgasm all on my own and it worked like a charm until about 3 years ago, when I began to need direct stimulation to my clit to get me off.

This wouldn't bother me so much if I also didn't notice by chance that my labia minora (which had always been very very small) seems to have disappeared and that my clit has also receded, for lack of a better description. I can still feel it, but the hood will no longer fully retract -- it seems the hole has gotten smaller and only uncovers some of the gland. I didn't notice this sooner because I generally stimulate through the hood for comfort. At any rate, this didn't used to be the case... I can't say when it changed, but it must have been within the last three years. I also noticed that the color of the skin down there is brown instead of pink and wrinkly when it used to be more plump.

Some of this I thought was aging, but I don't know for sure, especially when I put it all together. I don't know if these are all related or what is wrong with me. I have certainly looked at my parts before, I can't say that I have spent lots of time looking or that I have done so regularly so it is hard for me to measure the change against memory and the ever-changing look of my body (two kids etc), but I go to the Gyyn pretty regularly -- wouldn't they have noticed anything this weird? Any help or advice you can offer would be appreciated.

Thanks!

Dear S,

Unfortunately most GYN rarely include an exam of the female genitals that includes the outward appearance of a healthy vulva. Years ago, I even complained to mine that she never checked my clitoris and it became our standing joke during future exams.

I was exactly 38 when I began using an electric vibrator during partner sex in order to orgasm every time. Yes, the aging process is ongoing. Like my doctor friend always says, "Life is terminal but it's not serious." Everything you've described sounds pretty average so not to worry. Just be aware that using any sex toy does require some awareness as to it's best application. Keep the vibe moving gently and avoid pressing down for more sensation. Your rock 'n roll and breathing plus a fantasy will get you there every time. Enjoy.

Dr. Betty