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Dr. Betty,

I have been doing research and feel as if I'm one of those females that doesn't always ejaculate. Now I have all the feelings of an orgasm arising from tight abdomen, to tense muscles, to warm tingly feeling, to eyes clenching, to toes curling. But I believe I have only ejaculated once, which I thought I had peed on my boyfriend. Is it true that I could be orgasming but my boyfriend not really know because I don't ejaculate? And if so is there a way to find out for sure if I'm having orgasms? I feel bad always bothering you but I'm confident that you are the expert.

Thank you again for your time helping me.

Sincerely,
-C

Dear C.

If you believe I'm the expert then listen to what I'm saying. Female ejaculation has been way over stated and has become a kind of "latest fashion" in sexual response for women. Very few women experience this naturally. Similar to vaginal orgasms, it can happen occasionally but rarely consistently and not for all women. Focus on your own sensations, not on your unfortunate dependency on what the boyfriend thinks. It's your body and your orgasms. Not his! Even for women who do ejaculate, many have said it's not always an orgasm and yes, sometimes it's just your bladder emptying from having a chronically tight PC muscle. The exercise for that is squatting to release these muscles instead of doing Kegels obsessively.

All of this information is on the site. From now on, no more answers for you. Instead of being controlled by your boyfriend's ideas of what you should be happening to you, avail yourself of what I have already posted. Remember, his sex information is coming from watching porn that is entertainment for men.

Dr. Betty

Well that's the thing. He was the one who suggested masturbation, porn, and toys. He was the one who bought me your dvd and all my toys. He was helping me find myself and explore myself. But its been two years and he is giving up. He even suggested I find a one-on-one session like yours. I would give anything to have an orgasm for myself. But I can only do so with practice and guidance. I really appreciate your words of wisdom and wish I could have the opportunity to meet you in person. Thank you again.

-C

Did you ever consider that you might be having orgasm but are unable to identify it due to an exaggerated idea of what it would be like? What keeps you from practicing masturbation?

Dr. Betty

Yes, I always expected an orgasm to be explosive and incredible. I grew up working as a children's minister and had complications during my teens. When I was 15 I got pregnant and had an abortion. My partner feels I am holding back because I feel guilty. I personally feel it is because I am expecting more than what I should. I'm not sure. I'd like to get into masturbating, my girlfriends say such positive things about it. And my partner always tells me he would love to have the experience of loving my body and both experiencing an orgasm. I am thinking about ordering the mystic vibrator, do you feel that it would be of help? Again, thank you so much for everything.

-C

Dear C,

I think you know more about yourself than your partner and agree this has to do with your expectations. Especially having a boyfriend who is do devoted to "making you come."Having an abortion at 15 was the only intelligent move. Both Carlin and I have discussed the fact that we both had 3 abortions in our twenties and nether one of us has ever regretted the decision.

The Mystic Wand is a great sex toy when used properly. That means not bearing down and demanding a response in a few minutes. Keep a light touch and apply massage oil so you can continue for 15 to 20 minutes. When your clit feels too sensitive to continue, back off. (You might have had an orgasm which can be small at first but pleasant. Then continue.

Spend more time reading around the website.

Dr. Betty

Betty,

I am 21 years old and have never had an orgasm. I have been with the same man for 2 years and he has just recently threatened to leave me because he can't live with the fact that he can't give me an orgasm. He claims it is destroying his manhood. I am lost and don't know what to do. He gets me to a climax almost every time and my body just shuts down. I have tried toys and porn and still have not a clue what to do. I have one of your dvds that teach women how to orgasm and if you weren't so far away I would take your private session class in a heart beat. My significant other is such a wonderful man and it pains me to see such a wonderful relationship go to waste just because I can't orgasm. If there is anything you believe I could do I am in desperate need of help. I want to orgasm just as much as he wants me to. Please help me.

C

Dear C,

Your so-called wonderful man is causing you more stress by accusing you of destroying his manhood.You have enough to deal without being responsible for his sexual image. A more secure man would become involved by supporting you in your quest. The way to learn about orgasm is through exploring your body with masturbation. Read "How to Orgasm" and follow my basic steps. It's at the top of the left hand column and is basically an outline of how I teach women to enjoy orgasms. I'm sure your next relationship will be with a man who is not such a selfish prick. Although it's not uncommon, men who measure their sexual prowess by a partners response have caused millions of faked orgasms. Time to have a love affair with yourself.

Dr. Betty