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Hi Dr. Betty!

I am 22, and I have had an orgasm a few times before (thank you magic wand), but only when I let go and not think about whether I am having an orgasm. Last week I started using the magic wand by spreading my legs with my feet on the floor and I had what really felt like an orgasm, but I am confused – so many women talk about their clitoris being super super sensitive after. Mine isn’t really sensitive, after the orgasm (or what feels like it), the magic wand is still going and technically it feels good but I just want to stop for a moment. Is this unusual?

Should I reconsider my definition of an orgasm considering my clitoris does not get really sensitive (I have never orgasmed by hand, when I was 14 I would use the metal vibrating part of an electric toothbrush). What feels like an orgasm is this build up of great feeling that is just expressed without hesitation (sometimes its like pulsations in my pelvis or legs move a lot, but sometimes not), and then my mind just goes all ‘woo!’

Also, since I have been only using the magic wand by spreading my legs with feet on the bed, I get these contractions in my vagina so much that they sound just like farts all the time. I am not forcing the contractions, and it feels good, though I can consciously make it happen. It is embarrassing in front of my boyfriend and makes me too self conscious to really let go with him. Have you ever heard of this insane amount of queefing happening before??

Since I have experienced orgasms, I have been feeling such pressure for it to happen every time I masturbate that I either avoid masturbating or think about it and don’t fully enjoy myself (and no orgasm) .. or I just enjoy myself and it may happen. Its as if having an orgasm has made it more difficult to have one! My first relationship at 15 was sexually abusive and had a bad effect on my idea of female sexuality. For the last 3 years, I have been with a great partner who I love. Though he is patient, the fact that all the girls he has been with orgasmed so easily can make having sex something stressful for me. What is wrong with me? How do I move beyond this self-created block?

Also, lately I have been worrying that I might have a 'hooded clitoris'. My clitoris is small (I prefer to say petite). if I move my hood back, I can see it … how does one know if they should get surgery for a hooded clitoris? I read online that one can use natural oil to make the clitoris come out of 'hiding' behind the hood, or there is surgery, but isn’t it just a natural bodily variation?

Thank you for all the work you’ve done – I feel like my sexuality is a flower and your website helps it blossom more every day.

C

Dear C,

Next time you masturbate notice how you are using your pelvic floor muscles. With you legs opened wide, you might be sucking air in through your vagina and when or if you bear down, the air will be forced out creating what I always called a "pussy fart." They are harmless and my BF and I just laughed at them.

We are all different with many variations on how we experience orgasms. Hyper sensitivity for clitty after an orgasm is a general rule but not something that determines whether or not you've had a climax. My pattern was to back off from my clitoris right after I came for a few moments and then continue to create another build up for more orgasms. You are so right about not thinking about orgasm in the moment. Sounds to me like you're on the right track!

As for your BF saying, "all the girls he's been with orgasmed easily" is most likely the result of women faking pleasure. No way a man can be sure if a woman actually comes or not. So let go the stress you are feeling. Very few women can consistently come from intercourse unless they are including clitoral stimulation similar to how they masturbate. This is in "Orgasms for Two" a book of mine that would be fun for you to read.

Finally all clitorises are hooded. Our clitoral hood is similar to a man's foreskin to protect the sensitive clitoral glans. All the information that's available these days is a double edged sword. Much of it is crap! Never opt for surgery of any kind unless your life is about to expire. And don't believe everything you read or what people say. Don't over think sex. Just enjoy what's happening and let the pleasure you are feeling be your guide.

Dr. Betty