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Dear Betty,

I am a 40 year old woman. I have never been able to have an orgasm from oral sex. I was married for 15 years to someone who didn't like to go down on me, so I have limited experience with it. But I have a partner right now who loves giving oral. So I'd like to take advantage of it but I can't seem to do it. I can orgasm from masturbation without a problem. Can you help? Thanks so much.

Dear AD,

Take the pressure off yourself and forget about coming with oral sex. See it as foreplay for however you do have your orgasms. Once you stop "trying" to come, it will be more pleasurable so just relax and enjoy the sensations.

Make sure your new partner isn't pressuring you to come either by his actions or words. In the end, it isn't written anywhere that we MUST come from oral sex. At 40, you might discover you need more stimulation that's under your control. About your same age, I discovered how great the electric vibrator was and to this this day, oral sex is great foreplay, but it's never an end to creating my orgasm.

Dr. BEtty