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Hi Dr. Betty,

I just discovered your website this week and have found it so informative and refreshing. I have been in a monogamous relationship for 3 years (I am 22) but have never been able to initiate sex myself. I was date raped during high school and only in the last couple of years have I really started to be more comfortable sexually.

I'm tired of laying there and waiting for him to initiate, and I think (worry) that he is probably tired of initiating himself. We had lots of sex at first, but are having less now, and I'm o.k. with that I'd just like to be confident and comfortable enough to initiate sex myself. I know it seems obvious - but I get in the way of myself and get anxious over the idea of initiating sex myself. I find myself masturbating when I would rather be having sex.

Any advice or insight would be much appreciated!

S

Dear S,

Welcome to D&R.

Every woman has been sexually abused in one form or another in our sex negative society. And we all go through what you are now struggling with: How to initiate sexual activity with our partners. Next time you feel like having sex, invite your boyfriend to masturbate with you. That gives him an easy out or an easy in. Either way there's no pressure on either of you. Once you can get the words out of your mouth, you'll wonder why it was such a big deal.

Dr. Betty