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Dr. Betty,

Let me begin by telling you just how much this site has helped me. Growing up I lived in a very WASP-y household, where sex was a big no-no and talking about it just never happened. I learned early on that anything sexual was bad, and I never dreamed of touching myself. Growing up, I had girl friends who mentioned things like humping the couch arm by the age of two; this was something that made my jaw drop. Even in high school, it was just a given that sex was bad.I think I was so sheltered and ashamed about sex, I never even had the urge to masturbate, let alone be comfortable enough with the idea of engaging in any kind of sexual behavior (believe it or not, the very thought of simply kissing made me nervous).

After I went to college, I felt so far behind the other girls. I didn't think I was sexual at all. In fact, I was beginning to think of myself and even tell people that I was asexual. I had one drunk fling the entire time I was in college (and this was only because I felt obligated, and there was only discomfort that I can recall feeling).

After graduating I knew something was off. My friends loved sex. They talked about it all the time and thought that I was odd, not only because I never had an interest, but also because I had never experienced an orgasm. That's when I started researching. Luckily I found this lovely, informative, and inspiring website you and Carlin have created. I bought the Hitachi magic wand, because I figured I might as well really give this whole orgasm thing a try. And Oh.....My.....God. Amazing. Why did I never do this before???? I love knowing that I am an orgasmic woman and not the freak of nature I originally thought I was.

However, I've been using the Hitachi, honestly... almost everyday. Okay, everyday. Usually more than once. Now, I have started seeing this guy, trying to branch out to "normal" sex, and we've finally started sleeping together. I'm concerned, because I feel like I've numbed myself out. I know this has been asked before, but is it possible that since I've been using a very powerful vibrator for so long that I will not be able to have a manual or oral (natural) orgasm? I have never been able to give myself one by just using my hands. I've tried.

Should I try to stop using my vib for a while and see if I gain some sensitivity back? I know that you have wonderful videos, which show how vibrators can be implemented during sex, but I would really like to be able to leave the vibs behind (at least once and a while). Any advice would be much appreciated. I have come so far in my sexual journey, and would really love to be able to (finally) have healthy, naturally orgasmic sex.

Thanks again!

T

Dear T,

Until the prohibition against childhood masturbation is eliminated and girls grow up with a connection to their genitals from an early age, masturbating with a vibrator is having "healthy, naturally orgasmic sex."

Yes, you can retire the vibrator and then go for months without having orgasms for however long it takes you to come from your hands, but why? Ask yourself if you've fallen for the romantic image of getting all of your orgasms from a lovers touch? Well that's all well and good but not realistic for someone who comes from extreme sexual repression like you have. Your Sleeping Beauty was awakened by an electric vibrator not by a kiss from a Prince!

His sexual preference is coming inside your vagina. Your sexual preference is using a vibrator. So after he comes, you throw the switch on your vibe while he holds you in his arms nibbling on your ear or giving you sweet kisses on your neck.

Usually, they just fall asleep!

Or you can fake an orgasm to protect his male ego, or retire your vibrator and go for ages without having an orgasm until you can come from manual sex. Very few women have the patience to do this and I really see no reason why we should continue to sacrifice our orgasm to fit into some stupid romantic ritual of being "given" our orgasms by a lover. This just doesn't work for most of us, especially a woman with late sexual beginnings like yourself.

Men are getting what they want from friction inside a woman's mouth, vagina or anus. Women are getting what they want by holding a vibrator on or near her clitoris. As long as both parties are satisfied, why does it matter what kind of stimulation we use? I repeat, masturbating with a vibrator is having "healthy, naturally orgasmic sex." I said this back in the 70's so we have NOT come a long way. Any man who objects to a woman using a vibrator can be recycled while she keeps her vibrator. Claim your sexual preference with pride!

Dr. Betty