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Dr Betty,

I am writing to you today wishing I saw your website three weeks ago. I had the most beautiful vagina it was gorgeous and my boyfriend of six years loved it as well. I always had intense orgasms especially from oral sex. One thing i always was curious about was why my labia were so long when my friend Amy were barely there. I asked my mother and she said hers were very small and didn't stick out of her outer lips like mine did. She said to talk to my gynecologist cause she didn't think that was normal.

So i got to my gynecologist for a general exam and i decided to not even ask her about my lips but then my mom brought it up so i felt like i had to address my concern. My doctor. a mature older woman looked at my lips and called them abnormal. All my insecurities got even greater cause there i was a young girl having a trained gynecologist tell me i had abnormal lips. So i set up an appointment for labiaplasty.

My surgeon said kids do it all the time, standard surgery, no big deal. She never told me any side effects, said it would not effect my sex at all. So I said if it doesn't effect my sex to have my lips cut off why not do it since they are abnormally long.

So there i go day of my surgery ready to cut off my beautiful labia and something inside me was saying don't do this I asked my mom if I should do this and she said yes, so I did it. I immediately regretted it, as soon as I woke up in the hospital I cried about what I had done. I told my surgeon how upset i was that I did this and she said "Yes i could tell before the surgery you seemed unsure." So why the hell did she go through with it? Why couldn't she tell me to wait? I'm only twenty. I had my whole life to make this choice. I never have regretted anything more than this and I am being hospitalized to figure out how to cope with my depression over this when I had a nearly perfect life before this happened.

My boyfriend was planning on marrying me but i can't see that happening now with what I've done to my beautiful vagina its a train wreck now she didn't spare anything of my labia… totally gone. I went from having long pink symmetrical perfect labia highly sensitive to none!. My surgeon told me it wouldn't effect my sex life and i believed her cause she was a trained surgeon and i was clueless. i tried masterbating recently and yes i was able to orgasm but it was no where close to how good it used to be…and i used to cum multiple times with my boyfriend during oral sex but how can he perform oral sex if I have no more lips? i feel like scum and i won't even let him marry me anymore after what I've done to myself.

Please help. Tell me honestly what are my chances of experiencing orgasms like i used to when i had my lips..now that they are gone will my orgasms never be as powerful? Please I'm begging you to talk with me maybe i can meet you or talk over the phone. i feel no passion for life anymore and i will hate myself forever for cutting off my beautiful labia please please help me try to come to terms with it and educate me.

Dear A,

First off: You must forgive yourself! And also your mother as she didn't know any better either. But the surgeon, well I don't condemn her but you must write her a letter to inform her of your emotional breakdown so she will know how you've experienced the outcome of this unnecessary surgery. For now, the most valuable information I can offer is DO NOT agree to take any anti-depressant meds. If they have you on one, the sooner you stop, the better. Anti-depressants can and do interfere with a woman's ability to orgasm.

Besides forgiving yourself, I recommend you chose a Mantra, some sentence that you say every day repeatedly. It's also called an affirmation. Think about what words you prefer. Examples are: "My sexual pleasures will grow more passionate every day." Or, "I love my body and vulva more every day." Find the words that best express how you want to be. "I am perfect just the way I am. I love an approve of myself."

When I struggled with hip pain for years, I eventually had hip replacement surgery which works perfectly 20 years later. My affirmation was, "I move forward in life with ease and joy at every age."

A woman healer by the name of Louise Hay has a small book titled "Heal Your Body: The mental causes for physical illness and the metaphysical way to overcome them." I constantly check this little book for inspiration. Under Genitals she says they represent the feminine and masculine principles. The problems stem from worry about not being good enough. Her suggested affirmation:"I am perfect just as I am. I love and approve of myself."

So every time a negative feeling or thought comes up, just repeat the healing sentence you chose several times until the negative thought goes away. C'mon girl. you can do this. I'm rooting for you

Dr. Betty