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Dear Dr. Betty,

I'm 24 and got my first boyfriend at 23 (we're still together and intend to stay so). I only had my first orgasm this year, and my first masturbatory orgasm a few months back. I guess my fear is of being a slut. I know I'm not one, logically, I mean, I've not even had PIV sex yet. I'm happily doing other non penetrative things (other than fingers) but there's always this niggle that I'm 'ruining myself'. I've always been interested in sex, and I do want to be happy with it, but I'm terrified that perhaps I won't stay with my boyfriend and some other guy will be disappointed, or that my boyfriend will be disappointed if I make myself 'loose' with a menstrual cup or masturbation, even though I know it doesn't really work like that and he reassures me that that won't happen.

I'm afraid he'll get bored with doing sexual things with me if I don't make each stage last a long time. I'm afraid that he'll only want penetrative sex and will no longer want to just cuddle ever again... even though he loves cuddling. I worry my friends will be shocked if they find out my activities, and I'm at the same time horrified that my mother and friends think I'm doing more than I already am. I don't like being seen as 'not innocent' even though I was the one researching sex from the age of 10. If I feel sexy, I feel like a slut. etc etc. How on earth do I switch it off? Right now I know I want to switch it off but then there's the voice in the back of my head telling me that if I switch it off, I'll be a slut. Help?

Dear N,

You are a victim of sexual repression and religious notions of "purity." You are ruining yourself with unnecessary worry and concern rather than by having sex. You seem to know how ridiculous this is so what more can I say? How about embracing the label "Slut" and simply become a good one. That would mean you keep the concepts of being kind and caring and throw all the sexual restrictions out. They are not serving you.

Dr. Betty