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Dear Betty,

I had this wonderful exciting experience Sunday and I wanted to share it! While it was wonderful I am little frightened how people in my life would see it and view me. I am a little afraid of being judged badly.

Six years ago the relationship I was in ended after 10 years. While for me the relationship had far more good times then bad, the ending was very painful. The way I coped with the pain was doing lots of volunteer work. I volunteer for hospice, the Aids Hotline, for the board of directors of a non profit crisis line for DV and SA, and worked two days a week at a middle school. The work was and is very rewarding but it started to take a toil. I did try via the internet to find a new lover but had no luck.

Anyway just recently I noticed that one of the young girl students I was helping had cut marks on her arm. Seeing this put me in a tail spin even writing about it brings tears. It was the final straw, I watch people die and tried to support their families, I've talked to people that were just told that they are HIV +, and for a year the board struggled to find the funds to keep the crisis line going. But is was seeing this young sweet kid with cut marks that made me realize that I was not getting some important needs in life taken care of.

I got a work performance bonus and after a lot of soul searching I decided to hire a escort for the evening. Once I made that decision and arranged a meeting, actually the day before the meeting I became so excited! It was an injection of excitment, romance, and joy. I was a young kid again, I am 64, but it was like waiting for Christmas! When we met we first had some wine and dinner at a local bar. Then she came to my apartment.

She is in her 40's and only takes clients that are 40 or older. It was a night of touching hugging kissing talking. The best way I can describe it was like being on a honeymood. It was magical. Having intercourse was almost a secondary thought.When you haven't been kissed or held or even been naked with a woman for six years I'd forgetten how pleasureable that is. When she left I couldn't sleep I wanted to enjoy the experience even longer.

When I was in the military many years ago I had experiences with sex workers some good some not so good. Last night was very special. It was interesting to me that she referred to herself as a provider, a healer and for me for that evening she was. I may never see her again or use her services again but I feel so grateful to have had that evening. Yet I also feel sad that I feel like I need to hide this from people in my life. The social view of sex workers being what it is. It's not only the workers but also the customers who are negatively judged.

Thank you,
M

Dear M,

Thanks so much for telling me about your special evening. I'll post it for our readers at D&R. Many times I have urged friends, clients and questioners who complain about having no sexual connection and seem unable to figure our how to move through it, to do just exactly what you did: hire a professional sex worker who is trained to deal with sex.

While I know not all sexual escorts, healers or providers are perfect, your chances with them are much better than with a dating site, especially if it's just for some kind of intimate connection. As a practitioner and promoter of masturbation I also understand the need for touch by another person. We don't hesitate to book a massage but the idea of booking someone for sex is often too scary. And talking about it with someone else makes us feel too vulnerable and likely to be negatively judged. Perhaps your story will inspire others to do the same. Telling our sexual truths is one way to help Americans overcome this crippling Puritanism based upon sexual ignorance. Maybe then we can begin to grow up sexually.

Dr. Betty