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Hey Betty,

So I am about to get married and have been working with a specialist and a physical therapist. As I have been working to relax my pelvic floor enough to be able to have intercourse and working on a skin condition that caused pain around the clitoris and vulva.

My Fiancee and I have continued trying with hand stimulation (abstaining from oral while I have a number of different creams in the vaginal area including a steroid that I don't want to transfer to him orally). I usually get to a point where I feel like my whole body is contracting and the feeling is so intense I have to pull away. I try to stick with it to see it through but usually eventually can't. I explain it to my finace as if I am a soda bottle that has been shaken up and no one can release the cap.

Any advice would be greatly appreciated. We have put a lot of money, time, effort, sweat and tears into getting to this point and this is the next part of our journey.

Thank you!

Dear M,

The chances are good that you are having beginning orgasms and are not able to recognize it due to the absence of masturbation, which is how most of us discover and develop our orgasms. Right after the clitoris has fired off all 8,000 nerve endings, your body will automatically pull away from any further stimulation. That's what is sounds like to me.

Instead of holding some unrealistic image of what you expect an orgasm to be like, just trust your body and assume it's already happening. I'm enclosing links to help you get started on a better path to pleasure. It sounds like you expect to have orgasms from vaginal penetration. Just know that it rarely works for most women. Consider developing your capacity for pleasure through your own exploration via masturbation.

Dr. Betty