Articles

Dr. Betty,

First, I want to thank you for doing what you do. You are a beacon of light for factual information in a sea of growing misinformation and fear on these sensitive subjects. I believe in masturbation and understand the many health benefits of ejaculation and orgasm. I enjoyed masturbating as a boy but I had to sneak around my parents when I was young and it felt shameful. I even enjoyed it with a friend a few times before we were caught in the act. I recently even defeated an early stage of prostate cancer which I am sure, from the research, had something to do with my abstinence. I would have enjoyed it much more often had this not colored my life.

I actually have problems ejaculating and enjoying sex now and I know my lack of practice in my younger years is the cause.  Thanks to you and your writing, I have gotten over it and promised not to stunt the sexual growth of my own son. I've had many frank discussions with him after I walked in on him and found him embarrassed for masturbating. I have encouraged him and even provided him with creams and one of those fleshlights.

I'm proud to say he is a frequent ejaculator and frequent masturbator and shows no shame to me or my wife for it. I wish my parents had done the same for me. He recently discovered the added pleasures of mutual masturbation with several friends during separate sleepovers at our house. Unlike me when I was his age, he has been able to enjoy this regularly with his friends and, from what he has mentioned, I know he's been a positive influence toward their masturbation habits.  

Last week he told me he was concerned about an arch he noticed in his erections. One of his friends had an especially curved erection which he said was from hand masturbation. His friend tried to talk him into oral to prevent this but my son is smarter than that and came to me.

My son had said he'd been masturbating more often lately by his own hand as well as friends' hands and he was worried about a curved penis. As I remembered back, the friend I knew who masturbated so much had a very long penis that formed a severe curve when it was very erect and hard. I did not masturbate that much and mine only arches slightly. Is there truth to this? What do you suggest I tell my son so that he may continue like he enjoys and needs but without jeopardizing his form?

Thanks, concerned father

Dear Concerned Father,

Congratulations! You are a perfect example of someone who has learned from his parents mistakes. The prohibition of masturbation ends up sexually damaging everyone. But a word of caution, an overly enthusiastic parent for masturbation might end up in trouble with the parents of the other boys if they ever discovered the sexual freedom your son's room offers his friends, especially the sharing part. Personally, I have no objections to it and see it as a form of healthy sex play among boys. It many ways, it offers a way for kids and teens to explore the socialization of their sexuality. I still fondly remember the sex games I played as a kid.

Check out my Genital Art Gallery. There are many photos of penises and some have a curve to the right, left, up and down. For the most part, this is considered normal. Depending on the degree of the curve and if causes pain or difficult intercourse eventually, this is referred to as "Peyronie's Disease." You or your son can Google Peyronie's, but a word of caution: I always question the medical fixation on disease. Depending upon the degree of the curve, many penises are naturally curved one way or the other. Sometimes this can be caused by an injury, hereditary, or unknown factors.

But in everything I read, masturbation as a cause was not mentioned. If your son and his friends are whacking off with brutal techniques, hard, fast and furious, I'd suggest they slow it down, build up more slowly, be sweet and gentle with Mr. Happy. Instead of cream, give him a bottle of my massage oil. Get my book Orgasms for Two that talks about slowing down ejaculation by practicing during masturbation. How we masturbate is what we end up bringing to partnersex. The chapter is "Especially for Men."

Dr. Betty