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Dear Dr. Betty,

I asked you a question a few days ago about how guys hate the fact I'm a virgin. Thank you so much for answering and I hope you don't mind me sending you another question.

I went out with a really nice guy over the weekend. In between all the fooling around, we cuddled and talked. We talked about our past dating experiences, sex, the fact I've never had it and how he is fine with that. I decided that since we were being open, I would quiz him on his sexual intelligence.

I asked "the vast majority of women need what in order to reach orgasm?" His answer was "time". I thought that was a good answer, but I wanted to hear something along the lines of "clitoral stimulation". I told him about how most women don't orgasm from penetration alone. He told me that's not true and that he knows a lot of women who cum from just penetration.

I didn't want to ruin the mood by having some lengthy discussion about statistics and anatomy, so after I told him I am one of those women who needs clit stim, I showed him how I like it done and masturbated in front of him. He definitely didn't mind that lesson. My problem is that I don't really want to play teacher with a guy. I want to start going further with men and I want to be with ones who won't expect me to cum from penetration alone.

I just don't want my first time to be spoiled by a man pressuring me to cum as he wonders why I am rubbing my clit during it all. However, I thoroughly enjoyed everything he did to me and he was actually very giving. He asked to give me oral several times and even complimented me on the way I smell and taste. I don't want to stop dating him because of his ignorance. He probably thinks the way he does because the girls he has been with would fake orgasms and neither of them knew what to do. Of course I can't tell him that. So, my question is, what should I do? How can I teach him about my sexual needs?

Dear E,

I hope you can let go of the idea that men should know that many women want and need some kind of clitoral stimulation during penis/vagina sex. It's up to us to explain that and not expect them to read our minds. Of course women fake orgasms during intercourse and a few actually do come. Showing him how you masturbate was very brave and as you discovered, it was greatly appreciated by him. When you ask, "How can I teach him about my sexual needs?" you have already succeeded in doing that. If you want your first time intercourse to be "perfect" then you are most likely in for a big disappointment.

As a general rule, every good lover has had a generous woman who's been willing to teach and show him what she wants and likes. He sounds like a really nice guy who would benefit from you're ability to be honest with him. I'd say you are heading in the right direction. No man will be able to read a woman's mind as to what she likes or wants. Keep showing him and he will learn.

Dr. Betty