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Hi Dr. Betty,

I feel a bit abnormal for admitting this, but I have never liked being touched. Massages, pedicures, etc. are fine, but I don’t like hugs or kisses, even from my husband. When he touches me I stiffen up and feel very uncomfortable. In order to have sex I have to have at least a glass of wine to relax enough just to stand it.

This is particularly a problem right now because alcohol is off-limits (I’m pregnant). There’s also no incentive to have sex because I don’t get any physical gratification whatsoever. We’ve been married a few years and there’s been no improvement. I really don’t understand what’s wrong because I fantasize about sex with him, I’m attracted to him, and I REALLY want physical intimacy (not to mention an orgasm), but when the time comes, I just want run.

Is there anything I can do to become more comfortable with touch? I’m so frustrated!

E

Dear E,

Although it's fairly rare, I know both women and men who feel the same as you. For all of them, it led back to a memory of a parent or care giver who bathed them is a rough and uncomfortable manner or an overly doting parent who felt free to constantly arrange, mess with and fiddle with some aspect of their person.

Some touch was sexually inappropriate and others were intrusive like my friend with an over-bearing mother. I would recommend seeing a counselor to sort this out. In the meantime, massive doses of self love and masturbating to orgasm is advised.

Dr Betty