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Dear Betty,

I have a boyfriend that really loves me, cares for me and supports me. We opened our relationship for about two years but he was too jealous and broke up with me. We got back together. But now it is almost impossible for me staying monogamous. I cheated on him and now I feel like I am a horrible person.

I like having sex with my boyfriend, I trust him and we use a vibrator on my clit so I always finish. With other guys, I don't dare to use it, so I don't always have orgasms, but I get really turn on and really really wet, I feel alive!! and that doesn't happens me anymore with my boyfriend.

I feel I'm a terrible egoistic person,I don't want to lose my boyfriend but I cant imagine my life having only sex with him and nobody but him forever. What should I do?

Thank you very much for your help.

J.

Dear J,

We often think it's men who want sexual variety while women are the one's who demand monogamy. But I hear this more and more: it's the woman who wants to break free of monogamy from time to time but her partner can't handle it. Another role reversal that teaches us to think beyond traditional concepts of what woman and men want.

You are not a terrible person but rather a sexual woman! Who rightfully doesn't want to be owned by one man, especially so early in your life. The important thing here is NOT to limit yourself sexually. So time to move along and stop torturing yourself if he can't accept you as you chose to be.

You are addicted to your current lover because you feel free to use a vibrator. Please give yourself permission to use your vibrator with all other lovers. I say it separates selfish boys from men who really appreciate women. Jealous men can really ruin a woman's happiness. So find new lovers who are more secure. The most important love affair of our lives is with ourselves. Happy orgasms.

Dr. Betty