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Dear Betty,

I am 21 and have never been able to reach climax alone or with a partner. I can ejaculate quite easily though, but i worry that its caused from some kind of pressure build up that triggers my bladder as opposed to arousal, as when it happens I don't feel any closer to orgasm and instead just fear it actually is urine. Can this happen? Is it actually ejaculating that with lead up to orgasm?

I don't have much interest in masturbation but love sex with my partner, but i just can't seem to relax. As wonderful as the sex is, in the back of my mind is still the pressure i place on myself to reach orgasm, and the guilt i feel over not climaxing to confirm to my partner that they are doing a great job.

Is there any advice/insight you could give me to help in my situation? I desperately want to experience climax, but i fear i am holding myself back.

Please help!

Dear N,

My Darling girl you are the victim of inadequate sex information when it comes to female sexuality. If your boy friend is doing G-spot stimulation on the ceiling of your vagina, yes, you can simply pee as the rapid finger movements can trigger the bladder to release urine. He's jiggling the urinary tract and that is not your primary organ of pleasure. It's you clitoris that is sitting up there at the top of your vulva being ignored.

Your sexual healing will be the result of you learning how to masturbate to get your own orgasms in place with direct clitoral stimulation. Check out First Time Orgasm" and follow my simple steps. Once you learn how to come with yourself then you can show your guy what you like. The most exciting thing for a man is to be with an authentically orgasmic woman. No amount of ejaculating with him digging around inside your vagina will ever bring you to orgasm. In order for you to better enjoy sex with him is to learn about your own sexual responses. Get my book Sex for One and learn about your wonderful sexual body.

Dr. Betty