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Hi Betty,

I am new to your and Carlin's site and have enjoyed browsing the videos, books, and all the other information provided. I have recently turned 50 yrs old and haven't been the most sexual active of people for various reasons. In retrospect of this fact, I feel as though it may have worked to my advantage in that, I do not have a lot of baggage in the form of negative sexual experiences to reprogram.

Most of what I have read or heard on this site has to do, how to physically manipulate my body to achieve a desired sensation which has been very interesting and helpful. I am also noticing as I explore the realms of self touch and stimulation, not only does it wake up my physical self but my emotional self. And there, I find my baggage.

What I am finding in my attempts to achieve an independent orgasm is, the experience of my heart opening is the uncomfortable sensation which can stop the process. So, I applying the same advice you giving for someone experiencing physical discomfort, take it slow and stay with what feels good. I suppose my question is, do you have and essay or video addressing, how not to let your emotional discomfort override a physical response?

Dear A,

Welcome to D&R and all the good feelings available to you through self-loving. Whenever some negative emotional feeling comes up, you might counter it with a verbal statement (out loud) "I deserve sexual pleasure." Or "My sexual pleasure is in the present moment."

Another useful way to shut down negative inner voices is to engage your mind with a hot sexual fantasy. Also fantasy is at the heart of our creativity. So imagine your most desired scenario orgasm after orgasm. Fifty is so very young. You have many years of sexual pleasure ahead of you. Enjoy!

Dr. Betty