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Dr Betty,

I actually was a virgin at the time of my rape and it was my first sexual experience ever. Anyway I have a new relationship and he is experienced but we have not gotten sexually intimate yet. He wants to make sure I am ready and wanting to do this, he is willing to wait. My question is, what do I need to expect when I do become intimate with him? Will it be as difficult as if I hadn't had sex at all or what should I do to make it easier for me my first real time? How can he make things easier for me as well?

Dear Rape Survivor,

You are very smart to move forward and find a caring partner so you can get on with your life. The best foundation for reclaiming or discovering your sexuality is to learn how your body responds to clitoral stimulation with masturbation by yourself. Check out First Time Orgasm. Use Sliquid Organics Natural Lube on your hands to explore your vulva. Get in touch with with your pelvic floor muscle by reading the information that accompanies Betty's Barbell. Practice penetration with a small dildo while squeezing and releasing this muscle, again using plenty of massage oil.

Next spend time kissing, hugging and touching each other's genitals several sessions before attempting penetration sex. Consider sharing masturbation together so you can see how each of you handles your sex organs. The absence of teaching pleasure skills leaves each younger generation at risk for becoming potential victims to some degree, especially when it comes to first-time partnersex. I'm glad you have a man who is patient and kind. You're on your way to becoming an orgasmic woman with yourself and with him. Enjoy.

Dr. Betty