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Hi Ladies,

LOVE LOVE LOVE your vids, just watched the latest one about the man losing his erection waiting for his wife to have her orgasm. This brought to mind my question: how do I introduce after play for him to continue with pleasuring me after he is finished, there has only been one man I've ever known willing to "keep going" after he had climaxed. Every other man I've been with (I'm not inexperienced) has considered the sex act to be OVER when they cum. How do we change this?

My husband is ready to go to sleep once he's done and there are times when I really want more, but want his help also, not just masturbation. Even if I do masturbate after we have partner sex, then I feel like I'm putting him down or hurting his feelings because he didn't get the job done. :(

Dear R,

The only way to change the pattern of men thinking the sex act is over when they come is by speaking up about it instead of what you're doing which is worried about hurting his feelings. You remain silent so sex stays the same. As long as women continue to protect the male ego by not communicating what we want it terms of sex, the pattern will continue.

When I was married, I would sneak an orgasm after my husband went to sleep. I look back on those years with such sad memories mixed with anger and frustration. In my case, he ejaculated within a few minutes. We were both so repressed and embarrassed that neither of us said a word so eventually we stopped having sex altogether.

Sex isn't about a man getting the job done! It's about two people communicating with each other about what feels good and what they like. If he's so tired that he can't do anything to add to your orgasm like holding you while you masturbate, I'd just go into the other room, plug in my vibrator and enjoy myself to the fullest. Please stop sacrificing your pleasure to protect his feelings. Own your own orgasm like he owns his. Do what works for you with or without him and maybe he'll change or maybe not. Meanwhile you won't end up frustrated so often. We are each responsible for our own orgasm so enjoy yourself!

Dr. Betty