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Hi Betty,

I am a 17 year old girl who, until a few months ago, didn't even know what my vagina looked like. I know I've always been a very sexual person in my thoughts, but my parents never talked to me about it, and I suppressed all my feelings and thoughts my entire life.

About 2 months ago, I got a boyfriend who is the sweetest guy, but is also very sexual and has been having sex since age 12 (way too young, i think). He has a lot of experience, and I want to explore my sexuality a little bit now that someone (not just my boyfriend but other friends who's opinions i respect) is telling me that is okay to do. I've taken some steps, but am having some issues with guilt and with other obstacles along the way.

I started with putting a mirror between my legs to see what i looked like. I felt around a little so see what felt good.

Last week, I let my boyfriend finger me (it was pretty spontaneous) which very amazing, and then he went down on me. Because I wasn't planning on this prior to this happening, i wasn't shaved, but it felt amazing and I was really wet the whole time. However, when we tried doing it again, I planned ahead, was really nervous, shaved myself as best as I could, and although he tried his best, I wasn't wet at all and it didn't feel good.

I guess my main question is how can I get myself to stay turned on and wet enough to have my first orgasm (i haven't had one yet) while still keeping my virginity (which is very important to me). Should I masturbate more? and if so, how? And when I am really turned on, how can I get myself to calm down? (I'm scared of making a mistake and giving my virginity away - not because of society, but my own values). Also, logically I know that is every human's right to have sexual feelings and pleasure themselves, but I still have bouts of guilt about it. How can i overcome that? I'm not being pressured by my boyfriend to do anything, and I have no problem saying no to anything I don't want, so don't worry about that.

Sorry this is a loaded question but I really have nobody else to ask.

Thanks, E

Dear E,

Yes, regular masturbation is how you will discover your orgasm. I'm enclosing links to help you get started. First off your sex organ is a vulva. The vagina is the birth canal. Your first manual sex was good because it happened spontaneously and you didn't have time to worry about anything.

Instead of shaving your vulva I recommend just trimming it with scissors so it's not so prickly when it grows back. When we aren't wet due to nerves or whatever, always use some kind of organic massage oil for all manual touching of genitals. I would also recommend you question this "virginity" obsession.

To my way of thinking, once a girl masturbates and learns how to have orgasms, she is sexual! You need to spend some time on our website to educate yourself about female sexuality. Guilt is like any other addiction. When the feeling comes upon you, just tell yourself, "I no longer do guilt. or "I deserve to have sexual pleasure." or any phrase that works. Our minds are more manageable than we give them credit for.

Dr. Betty