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Hi Betty,

Until about a year ago I was suffering from primary anorgasmia (which I have put down to the contraceptive pill). I am 24, started having sex at 17. My experiences with orgasms both solo and with a male partner are always clitoral and feel like a wonderful build but more like a ‘sigh’ of release. However, sometimes when I am on top I will have two of these ‘build and sigh’ orgasms and then I have this SUPER strong sexual arousal, the sensation that I’m about to pee and then more of a wave of release. I should note that with none of these do I feel ‘pelvic contractions’.

So, having started orgasming later on, I’m just a bit unsure. Are both of these orgasms? Or just the strong ones? Am I supposed to feel the pelvic contractions as well? And following from this, how can I achieve the really strong orgasms more frequently?

You have transformed my understanding of sexuality with your site, so thank you ever so much!!!

Best,

Unsure

Dear Unsure,

We make a mistake when we focus too much on what exactly happens when we orgasm. Just enjoy each one whether mild or wild. Remember, the basis of female orgasm is always masturbation with clitoral stimulation or fucking with clitoral stimulation added.

The orgasms you have with yourself are usually the best, but every now and then when the stars line up in the just the right way, partnersex can be profound.

Give yourself a break from self observation and just ENJOY!   

Dr Betty