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Hello Betty!

I have been a huge fan of your YouTube videos and website for a long time now and have asked you some questions about masturbation before but this one involves sex. I just turned 16 and have been in a relationship for 9 months now. We had sex in September, when I was 15, and this has caused some distress for me personally. I have severe anxiety and have been going to therapy for issues of being terrified of pregnancy and STD's.

Therapy has been helping and I have had a very open relationship with my parents and his parents and I have been on birth control for two and a half months now. But today has been extremely hard for me because we have been having some issues the past few days and I am almost positive our relationship is going to end soon... Which leads to major guilt about losing my virginity with him and at such a young age. I live in Kansas City and at my school, people know about us having sex and I get shit about it a lot from other girls at my school...

I don't want to lose him and really wish I hadn't had sex with him so much... Is this a normal feeling for teen girls to have with a guy? The feeling of not wanting to lose them and if you do, your life is going to be ruined? I know high school relationships don't tend to last, but he has been a total asshole and I regret it a lot..

Thanks so much,
E

Dear E,

I agree that 15 is too young to have penetration sex. Just be thankful you are not pregnant. It's very unlikely you could have contacted an STD as your boyfriend hasn't had that much sexual contact similar to you. This is a scare tactic the school system uses to keep teens from going all the way. Abstinence only sex ed doesn't work. Instead they need to make kids award that condoms do work to prevent pregnancy and the transmission of STD's. Later on, you'll need to understand the problems that hormonal birth control causes and eventually switch to a barrier method.

Do not fight breaking up with this boy. It's best for you both. Please note: you are a slut and he's a hero who scored. That's the sexual double standard that should make you mad enough dump him and to let go of any remaining regret. You just learned a very important lesson. Now you can be the local sex guru for girls who are thinking about "going all the way" without adequate sex information, education and protection from pregnancy and disease. In my mind, the most serious disease is the stupidity of many adults when it comes to teen sex. I grew up in Wichita and I know how people like to gossip especially about sex. After I moved to NYC, my mother had to listen to all her friends clucking about how I'd be a prostitute if I didn't get married by age 21. I managed to wait until I was 29 and it still didn't work out for me. But I had a fabulous sex life with many nice young and older men during art school.

So chin up girl. Stay with masturbating to orgasms and forgive yourself. This will soon be a minor blip in your memory. The gossip just represents all the people who are jealous cause they aren't having sex. You have learned a valuable lesson. No fucking until you're orgasmic with yourself and old enough to know the score. When it comes to an unwanted pregnancy, most boys and men just take off. The woman is left with a problem that she must solve.

Dr. Betty