Doctor Said I'm Anorgasmic

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Betty Dodson

Hi Betty,

I'm seventeen years old, have been masturbating since I had sufficient dexterity, and have never achieved an orgasm (to my knowlege). Maybe I did when I was younger, but not since I could remember. I know that you're probably thinking that I'm young and should give it more time, but I'm very well researched and have tried a lot and this particular issue is the source of a lot of anxiety and misery for me, though I've came to accept it more than I used to of late.

I masturbate on my front, humping both hands, I only ever do it for a few minutes, it feels good, and gets better, but no climax (I assure you), then I get tired. I've been in a relationship with my boyfriend with whom I live with in my parents' house for a year and a half, we're very open about sex and despite his sex drive being considerably lower than mine (maybe mine's so high because I'm frustrated?), have a pretty good sex life.

We do role-playing a lot (no bottled up lust here) and he's very considerate in bed, and gives me lots of attention. I've been depressed for the past 3 or 4 years or so following a bout of acne and being prescribed Roaccutane (a drug renound for depressing its users) and feel that may have a lot to do with it. I'm extremely uncomfortable with my labia, and, despite being a fairly xcore feminist, am planning to get a labiaplasty as my labia are not something my self esteem and I are ready to handle right now. I also have a moderate eating disorder but again, it's something my psychiatrist and I (along with my anorgasmia, as much as he can help, not being a professional in the field) are working on, though there are no clinics that specialize in my issue in my area.

I also fake my orgasms with my boyfriend but tell him I can't come on my own, I know a lot of people say to be open and tell the truth but I feel like in this instance things are better left unsaid so as not to damage his somewhat fragile ego, though I'll probably conjure some story about how I haven't been able to come of late and go from there, working on it with him using that as the basis. I plan on buying some of your books and purchasing myself a Hitachi, but is there any other help you can offer me? Please? I'm so sorry for making this so long winded it's just something I REALLY needed to ask you about, thanks so much in advance,

PS. I also forgot to mention that I have an extremely sensitive clitoris that cannot be directly touched. Thanks again!


My dear girl,

You have named all of the things that are keeping you from enjoying your sexuality. I'm amazed that you have managed to collect such an abundance of problems in just 17 years. However I'm taking some time in answering this one as it covers most teen girls problems. First place to start is changing your masturbation pattern.

Second is your live-in lover means you've been living like a married woman since you were 15 and half. Way too early. I'm sure your parents meant well and would rather have you be where they can oversee your safety, but it definitely limits your ability to experience a teenagers life of having more than one partner before settling down.

Third is clearly the med for your acne. " I've been depressed for the past 3 or 4 years or so following a bout of acne and being prescribed Roaccutane (a drug renowned for depressing its users) and feel that may have a lot to do with it". If you are really serious about discovering your orgasms, you must stop taking this ridiculous drug and change your diet. I too had acne as a teen caused by my heavy addiction to sugar and fried foods (plenty of both foods available in the UK).

Fourth is a combination of problems: Your genital shame overrides your hardcore feminism as you plan on getting labiaplasty! Stop this madness! Dump that useless psychiatrist who had little or no knowledge of female sexuality other than using the term "anorgasmia." (Gee he learned a few big useless words). The only one who can deal with your real problem of having a eating disorder is YOU! Change is never easy but for anyone's growth it's essential.

Fifth is faking your orgasms and lying to your loser boyfriend (like you lie to yourself) that you can't come on your own. So you sacrifice your pleasure to protect his fragile ego. The truth will set you both free from living a big fat lie. But instead you are planing on making up an even bigger lie to cover the first one. Is it any wonder you are overweight, depressed, considering surgery to cut off part of your sex organ that enhances sexual pleasure and wasting your time and money with a lame ass psychiatrist who knows nothing about female sexuality? Just thinking about all of this would cause any girl to dive into the cookie jar and sprout another pimple!

You're obviously smart, maybe even too smart for your own good as you have sold yourself a load of crap that will NOT solve any of your problems. You are nearly a perfect example of a teen girl drowning in misinformation with (I suspect) over protective parents. Do not buy the Hitachi. It's far too strong for a beginners vibe. Besides it will not work with your electricity. A good beginners vibe is the Eroscillator used on low that also comes in a DC model. But first, start with your hands and some nice organic massage oil.

Once you arm yourself with some feminist based sex information and strengthen your desire to come off the med and embrace changing your diet, boyfriend and therapist, you will most likely want to have a place of your own as soon you get out of school and get a job. Your self- induced orgasms will give you strength to grow into a sexually independent woman. I'm rooting for you.

Dr. Betty