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Hi Dr. Betty,

I have been following your site for several years. For many reasons, I have been avoiding the genital self exam...

This Valentine's Day, I gave myself this gift. To my surprise, it was a very empowering experience.

I have two questions:

1. I can feel, but I wasn't able to see my clit - I even used a magnifying mirror. I know it's there, as the stimulation is very pleasant and I did orgasm. Do some women have less visually prominent clits (as compared to pics and video I've seen, where clits look like peas or small beads)?

2. Although I did orgasm, I didn't notice the involuntary "quivering" of the vaginal area during orgasm - again, as I've seen in videos. Does this mean that I need to strengthen my PC muscles?

Thank you for this website. Now I understand why the genital self exam is so important...

Dear J,

Congratulations! What a great Valentine's gift to yourself. I never suggest using a magnifying mirror as it tends to distort more than clarify. More important is a light that can be aimed between your legs. Perhaps you didn't pull up on the clitoral hood (similar to a man's foreskin who is has not been circumcised). You were smart to look for a positive sensation instead of assuming your clitoris had gone on a vacation. Just remember size has nothing to do with sensation when it comes to our clitorises. They all have approx 8,000 nerve endings. Whopeeeee!.

This viewing ritual allows a woman to see, feel, enjoy and claim her entire vulva. When I do this in a private session or Bodysex workshop, I also encourage each woman to give this important organ a special/personal name beyond vulva, pussy, twat or down there. Sort of like a christening or naming ceremony. We then see what architectural style she resembles as in Art Deco, Renaissance, Modern or Gothic. Just for fun. Or it can resemble a shell, flower or fruit as in a fig. Mine looks like the Virgin Mary or a Nun under the hood of her cloak. Since my name is Betty Anne, I named her Clitty Anne!

I think you meant contracting instead of "quivering" and no, it's not always visible. Just trust the feelings in you body and forget about comparing to what you've seen, especially in porn. We are all magnificently different. Wouldn't want it any other way. We can all become more aware of our pelvic floor muscles. Some need to be toned and others need to become more relaxed. Put your finger inside your vagina to determine which on you are.

Dr. Betty