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Dear Dr. Betty

I'm hoping someone can give me advice about this.

I was a late bloomer to sex. I never explored down there until I got a vibrator randomly in college. The second time I used the vibrator I achieved orgasm. For a year or so, I continued to use the vibrator, each time having extremely intense full body orgasms-- cold feet followed by waves of warmth, many contractions. I felt like I knew my body like clockwork. I'm not sure what happened, but over the course of the following year my orgasms got shallower and shallower until I barely noticed them. (No, I was not on any medications that might have affected this.) . I'm not even sure if they were orgasms or just little waves of pleasure before orgasm.

For the past 6 years, I have been in this vicious cycle of not achieving orgasm. I am not sure what went wrong. Part of me is terrified that I vibrated my clitoris to death and killed off all my nerve endings. I still try to use a vibrator but I feel like the sensitivity has decreased. When I use my hands, I'm not sure I feel much (but this could also be a bit psychological). Another part of me thinks that I'm simply not pushing myself to a point of pleasurable discomfort. However, when I try this (by vibrating myself intensely) I will often think I'm about to climax and I will pee instead (I don't simultaneously climax when this happens, though, so I don't think it's "squirting"). Another part of me thinks the problem is totally psychological. I do have a tendency to approach this stuff with a kind of clinical obsession, and my mindset is definitely just dead-set on doing anything possible in order to orgasm.

Is there something medically wrong with me or do I just need to stop worrying and refocus my brain to figure out what feels good in the moment?

R

Dear R,

You beautifully answered your own question. "Is there something medically wrong with me or do I just need to stop worrying and refocus my brain to figure out what feels good in the moment?"

YES!

Now relax and enjoy.

By the way.......a vibrator is a toy that's designed to vibrate whatever part of your body that you put it on. Your neck, your calf muscle, your clitoris, or over-all vulva massage. One would think that common sense would dictate we not mash our clitties under the strong vibes an electric motor provides. But the stronger desire to orgasm can push the smartest of us to overdue it. Vibrator owners listen up!

Bearing down or pressing. harder will simply numb out your clitoris. Always keep a light touch and up the ante with a fantasy, or breathing more deeply, or moving your pelvis but NOT bearing down with a vibrator.