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Hi Dr Betty,

Let me preface this by saying I have a very unique situation, but that I feel many women out there with asymmetrical breasts might go through the same feelings I experience.

I am in my early twenties, and I have been dealing with breast asymmetry for over 10 years. Looking back, it was a mistake, but at age 13 a doctor recommended I have a tissue expander put into my smaller breast to balance them out. It was one similar to those used with mastectomy patients, with a valve through which saline could be injected as I grew to compensate. When I was 20, I had implants put in both sides, of different sizes, to balance out the volume.

However, they're two totally different boobs. One is a cheerleader's and one looks like it stroked out. To achieve symmetry, I will need to have a lift, more surgery, but I have no idea when I will ever have money for anything like that. Again, looking back, if I just had naturally weird boobs, I would still be in a predicament, but I only feel worse for trying to fix them and failing.

My problem has caused me depression and fear of intimacy for my entire life, but it has only gotten worse since I had this procedure. I have found myself unable to face opening up to anyone about it. I drink a lot more so I feel comfortable socially, and the only time I feel comfortable about having sex is when me and my partners are buzzed, so they will hopefully not notice the difference during clumsy fumblings around in the dark. I usually dont sleep with anyone more than a coupe of times and never form relationship bonds.

I can't wear bathing suits, or low cut shirts, because they crease at different heights. One is much saggier. I've gained weight from my general state of mind, only now afraid to lose too much for fear of making the difference even more apparent. One of the worst parts is that people are attracted to me because of my large breasts and curves--I look pretty good when Im dressed--but I hide deformities that are seen when Im naked.

I don't have any money to fix it with surgery. I know this will take me adjusting my attitude and learning to accept myself, but I don't know where to begin. Should I take some counseling? How to I begin to think about how I would tell a potential mate about this without scaring them off from the get go? Should I start by being open to friends? I just fear peoples cruelty and ridicule, but I want to change and have a happier life. I want to be able to love. I want to not just look at my ugly body all day in the mirror and be afraid to go out.

Dear M,

You gotta love the medical establishment. Yet another story of cosmetic surgery gone wrong. Most women hate their bodies thanks to what we believe is beautiful. My first thought is find your anger, your rage and warn other women who might fall into the same trap that caught you up trying to look more beautiful, more perfect.

As an artist who drew the classical nude from models for years, I have seen that no one is symmetrical. So don't hide anymore. Become a body activist and learn to see what is good and beautiful about your body. Go public with you story. Warn other girls to say no to surgery and avoid doctors as much as is possible.

The more you try to hide behind clothes, booze and social isolation, the worse this will become. Get a grip. Your moaning and groaning about mis-matched boobs when there are so many people with missing limbs and far more serious disabilities so get over yourself and fight back. Or you can drown in self-pity and continue to isolate yourself. Right now, you have a choice. I'm rooting for you to make the more positive one about speaking out and sharing your truth. Save another woman from this kind of unnecessary suffering!

Dr. Betty