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Hello,

I had my first orgasm in elementary school, as I was trying to climb up a rope. I didn't realize what it was at the time but I remember I knew I liked it, and would sneak back and try to climb up it whenever I could to experience that again. I also did this with poles, and then eventually on a door- I would hold the handles and bring my legs up around the door and do it that way.

Then as I got older, I got a vibrator to try. The only way I could orgasm with that was by doing a pull up, and having the vibrator between my legs. After a lot of practice I was able to orgasm with just the vibrator laying down, but I would have to use the highest setting with a lot of pressure on my clitoris.

I have since then tried using my hand, and have had no luck. I can't orgasm through manual stimulation from my husband, or by oral sex, or by penetration. What should I do? Does it have something to do with controlling muscles-and that's why I can get off when I'm doing something that involves a lot of work? Do you have any sort of positions or advice I should try? I really want to have orgasms either by myself with just my hand or with my husband.

Thank you!

Dear A,

You are on the right track when you said, "After a lot of practice I was able to orgasm with just the vibrator laying down, but I would have to use the highest setting with a lot of pressure on my clitoris."

Now, keep practicing with the vibrator but keep in on the low setting for a while until you want to come, then switch to high. While on the low setting, use some of the masturbation skills I teach. Also include using sexual fantasies to occupy your mind while vibrating. Get my e-book "Orgasms for Two" that discusses how to enjoy partner sex while using your vibrator. I've even included drawings of the best positions to use.

Given your masturbation beginnings with hard pressure, forget about using your hand. It's possible but few will keep at it long enough. Instead master better skills with a vibrator that is often neglected by so many women. It takes more than just slamming a vibrator down on a defenseless clit then demanding she respond. Women are often such lousy lovers for themselves. Cmon girl, go back on the site and educate yourself about female sexuality.

Dr. Betty