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Dr. Betty,

Hi, I am a nineteen year old girl and I recently started to explore my body for the first time in August. I am not ashamed to say that when I started I had no idea what I was doing and my expectations were based upon naughty short stories and a snippet of advice on the Internet that said "if you don't know what an orgasm is, then you've never had one." It wasn't much to go on, and I wasn't sure what an orgasm was supposed to feel like even after further research, so I dove in head first and figured I'd know it when I felt it. After reading the information on your website I now realize what it can feel like and does feel like for me, but I didn't know that at the time.

It just felt like this intense build up that would just fade away with no explosion and I was just left with an extremely sensitive clit and a feeling of disappointment, so I concluded that I must be doing it wrong. I bought a vibrator and tried again with the same results, and the more it happened the more I had the feeling that I was so close to orgasm this time, just one more and I'll be there.

My ignorance in vibrators caused me to make some classic mistakes listed on your website, bearing down, applying pressure until i hurt or burned, etc. I apologize for the long background, here is my concern. When I first started using the vibrator, it was wonderful. I was so sensitive and it didn't take long before I was a sweating, shaking mess. However, that initial sensitivity has faded away. It doesn't feel as excruciatingly pleasurable as it once did, even though it still felt good and i am still sensitive when i simply use my fingers. Trying to figure out why this was I started looking for answers, but I can't find a concrete answer anywhere!

Every website seems to debate back and forth whether vibrators can cause permanent nerve damage or whether this will just fade after taking a hiatus from my vibrator. I stayed away from the vibrator for a week, although I did use my fingers a couple of days, and a week later that initial sensitivity has not returned or even seemed to have made the slightest improvement. Can you please tell me if I've damaged myself in my ignorance and what I should do?

Dear J,

Our genitals have a remarkable ability to heal rapidly. All mucous membrane like our gums, inside our mouths and vulvas heal quickly. No need to worry about the mis-use of your vibrator.

I always do a vulva massage with oil before I use the vibe on or near my clitoris. Just remember, those naughty short stories and porn all about exaggerations to entertain rather than to inform us. We learn by making mistakes so carry on your explorations.

Dr. Betty